Because you want to understand yourself and what you seek? No, you are not wasting your time.
Time learning about yourself is well spent.
To everything, there is a season.
Perhaps, this is your season to reflect.
Only you can decide if you want to drop it all.Is this a sign I should drop it all or am I being smart taking a time out for solo education? *puppy sigh*
However, I think you are being smart for taking some time to understand what motivates you, what you want versus want you need, etc.
I do agree that staying in touch and seeking support from this community, even if you are not actively participating in a d/s relationship, can help.
Take care!
With lots of long distance hugs and moral support,
Ruby