Seeking advice/support

[Serenitypup]

Okay. Let's start off with some imagery to show something of how I'm feeling right now. Then I'll jump right into as many details as I feel up to sharing.

A pup limps in, tail between legs, teeth bared, growling. Her fur is matted and mussed, blood and mud in her fur. She wants none near her, growling deep. It's hard to tell whether she lays down or falls; either way, she is soon on her stomach, eyes shut. So very tired... Still she growls, not ready to let anyone near.

Just a brief description. Might be a touch over-dramatic. While I myself don't look that bad at all, it's about how I feel. Now on to the meat of the problem. I won't name names, but I will say that this is no one person's fault. If anything, the failing is just as much mine as anyone else's. Just trying to figure out where I stand and what I really want.

In the past, I've had some very unpleasant experiences due to immaturity/inexperience on my part as well as that of my partners at the time. Now, some of my old bad habits are re-surfacing, the type of things that-I admit-scared me off the first time. Of course, the first time, I knew afterwards that I was in a very abusive relationship. Not physically; it just didn't work emotionally. We wanted different things; I was doing a lot of giving and getting not much back in the long run. After we broke up, I took a step back, much as I am choosing to do now.

Since I am still very largely a novice when it comes to D/s, still trying to navigate these waters, I've opted to get out of the pool for a moment and view from the outside. Though others may not understand my reasoning, my point of view on this is very simple: I'm taking a necessary personal break to further educate myself. Next time I jump into the metaphorical pool, I want to do so with both feet and no doubt in my heart.

I know fear is normal. I know limits are normal. I know I've found a few Doms who understand this and understand that I need time to myself. I've found several who are very understanding and those, in my uneducated opinion, are True Doms. Am I right? *worried puppy whine*

This was nice and vague and babbly and relatively pointless. I guess I'm looking for support and opinions. Am I wasting my time? Is this a sign I should drop it all or am I being smart taking a time out for solo education? *puppy sigh*

[thrall]

oh honey......

I understand you completely, *hugs*.......the choice you made was the VERY mature decision.

You made the very best choice you could have. For one.......you listened to your inner voice. That is sometimes not an easy thing to do.

It is never a wast of time to learn about yourself and what you want in life.

thrall

[John56{vg}]

Pup, I agree with thrall. Sometimes we need to pull back and relax. THis is not easy and it is WAY too easy to get hurt (emotionally and physically). Anybody worth his or her salt will realize that we ALL need to protect ourselves from time to time.

Take care of yourself. ANd I hope you ahve someone youc an talk with. Just be good to yourself, HOn.

[Ozme52]

It's always sad to hear this, that you feel mauled and bloodied.

Advice? Stay connected to the community. This is a good place to do so. You'll heal faster if you do... and take your own advice (if I understand what you're say...) don't jump into the deep end so quickly next time.

[Euryleia]

To your own self be true, Serenitypup. If pulling back is what is the best for you, you should do it. However, Oz has a very good point--the forum can be a very supportive place. There are lot of threads and folks here with helpful information and advice. You might be able to learn things that will assist you as you move forward so that the next time you go swiming in the pool, your experiences may be more positive.

And you're right, a true Dom will respect you and your limits.

[Logic1]

Anybody worth his/her grain will respect you and your(this goes for everybody naturally) limits D/s or nilla life.
and yes Oz has a good point.
If you dont have something to hold on to then you might not be able to take that next step and this forum might be just that.
If not, then we are a friendly chatty bunch in any case.

[Rhabbi]

Okay. Let's start off with some imagery to show something of how I'm feeling right now. Then I'll jump right into as many details as I feel up to sharing.

A pup limps in, tail between legs, teeth bared, growling. Her fur is matted and mussed, blood and mud in her fur. She wants none near her, growling deep. It's hard to tell whether she lays down or falls; either way, she is soon on her stomach, eyes shut. So very tired... Still she growls, not ready to let anyone near.

Just a brief description. Might be a touch over-dramatic. While I myself don't look that bad at all, it's about how I feel. Now on to the meat of the problem. I won't name names, but I will say that this is no one person's fault. If anything, the failing is just as much mine as anyone else's. Just trying to figure out where I stand and what I really want.

In the past, I've had some very unpleasant experiences due to immaturity/inexperience on my part as well as that of my partners at the time. Now, some of my old bad habits are re-surfacing, the type of things that-I admit-scared me off the first time. Of course, the first time, I knew afterwards that I was in a very abusive relationship. Not physically; it just didn't work emotionally. We wanted different things; I was doing a lot of giving and getting not much back in the long run. After we broke up, I took a step back, much as I am choosing to do now.

Since I am still very largely a novice when it comes to D/s, still trying to navigate these waters, I've opted to get out of the pool for a moment and view from the outside. Though others may not understand my reasoning, my point of view on this is very simple: I'm taking a necessary personal break to further educate myself. Next time I jump into the metaphorical pool, I want to do so with both feet and no doubt in my heart.

I know fear is normal. I know limits are normal. I know I've found a few Doms who understand this and understand that I need time to myself. I've found several who are very understanding and those, in my uneducated opinion, are True Doms. Am I right? *worried puppy whine*

This was nice and vague and babbly and relatively pointless. I guess I'm looking for support and opinions. Am I wasting my time? Is this a sign I should drop it all or am I being smart taking a time out for solo education? *puppy sigh*

It always saddens me to know that someone is hurt. I wish I could take away all the pain you feel. Taking a break is always a good thing under those circumstances, and any compassionate person would understand that.

Let me say that just because someone might not understand this at first, this does not make them a bad Dom, it might only make them human. In general, I would say this is a no brainer, but not knowing all the circumstances I will not state categorically that someone else is not a "real" Dom because he is having trouble accepting your need to step back for a bit.

Take your time, know yourself, and be true to that person. It will make you stronger in the long run.

[Ruby]

Am I wasting my time?

Because you want to understand yourself and what you seek? No, you are not wasting your time.

Time learning about yourself is well spent.

To everything, there is a season.

Perhaps, this is your season to reflect.

Is this a sign I should drop it all or am I being smart taking a time out for solo education? *puppy sigh*

Only you can decide if you want to drop it all.

However, I think you are being smart for taking some time to understand what motivates you, what you want versus want you need, etc.

I do agree that staying in touch and seeking support from this community, even if you are not actively participating in a d/s relationship, can help.

Take care!

With lots of long distance hugs and moral support,

Ruby

[Sir_Russell]

Serenitypup
Even Doms old and wise get hurt, heart broken and take a break to heal to assess to refocus. chucking it all is always an option but I have tried twice and I can't deny who I am.

Just a thought

[cariad]

Serenitypup, I would just like to echo everything which has already been said here, and add that when this healing and growing phase is over you will have even more to give to the fortunate Dom whom you choose to give to.

cariad

[Platonicus]

Serenitypup,

While I am not acquainted with you, I felt compelled to write something in response to your very moving and poignant post. My heart really goes out to you. Personally I think there is always value in taking time for introspection and study. You mentioned that you feel that you are still somewhat as a novice and I think it is good to provide yourself with the tools needed to make informed decisions about where you want to go in the future from where you find yourself in the present. I agree with what someone else said about this being a good place to start with so many obviously caring and knowledgeable people here willing to listen and help in whatever ways they might. Good look with your quest.