Serenitypup,

While I am not acquainted with you, I felt compelled to write something in response to your very moving and poignant post. My heart really goes out to you. Personally I think there is always value in taking time for introspection and study. You mentioned that you feel that you are still somewhat as a novice and I think it is good to provide yourself with the tools needed to make informed decisions about where you want to go in the future from where you find yourself in the present. I agree with what someone else said about this being a good place to start with so many obviously caring and knowledgeable people here willing to listen and help in whatever ways they might. Good look with your quest.