Recently I haven't been looking. I'm in a long time relationship, although we all know it can't last, not if I really want to be true to myself.
You sound a lot like me. I did the same thing, in high school my bf was 30. In college my bf was 45. I have a bf right now, strangely he is a year younger than me. He's super smart and loves me lots. But...ya know, there's that.
Oh, and I have huge abandonment issues. Perhaps that's the underlying need for me to be a submissive. I feel like fulfilling the hopes and dreams of a man or woman will make them somehow feel that I am theirs. It's like...possessiveness through be possessed by someone. (horribly off topic)