Surprise! Here I am. I know it has been awhile, but I have been busy. Anyhow, I just read through this piece and I am rather entranced by it. Then again, I have had tee martunis tonight. So, I could be delusional.

I am not going to completley review this, like I usually do. Yeah, I spotted a couple of gaffes - "new" for "knew" and a few other things. These are things I am sure you will catch in a future re-write. Hell, if you get someone to edit this piece they will catch those. So, fuck those things for now. I ain't gonna worry them.

Rhabbi, this was really outstanding. Hopefully, that isn't just the gin speaking. Really, the peice was quite well done and the language equally well done. The only minor complaint was that you do use pronouns more than I would choose to use them. Still, I can't fault you for your use of them - it didn't really muck with the piece. More than anything I noticed it because that is sort of what I am doing here - finding shit to bitch about.

"With that, he rolled over and wept."

That is my pet peeve - "with that" is overused. Don't ever fucking use it. Every asshole who tries to write uses it and it always looks dumb as shit.

Wow - that must be the gin talking.

By the way, proper martini's are stirred and not shaken. Have I mentioned that before?

Hopefully I will get a chance to get a proper breakdown in the next few days. Life has just been way busy.