Quote Originally Posted by his_j View Post
I'm with Tufty on this - Oz has it right. Only one thing to focus on - his pleasure and satisfaction. It's very freeing and a peaceful (yes, even when it hurts) place to be.

Very well said....

I think the "questioning" of oneself is pretty common for submissives, especially in the beginning stages of a relationship. Part of it is letting go of the control you're so used to having in every day life and I think an even larger part of it is accepting that someone wants to be with you BECAUSE of that submissive side. Society has spent years programming us females to be all strong and independent and accepting that the 2 sides can coexist within you is not an easy feat.

From personal experience I am dominant in my every day life but when it comes to relationships i believe the man should be in control. Like Kote I will try to control him if I can -- not necessarily on purpose but as more of a subconscious test i guess. If he lets me control the relationship I get bored and lose respect. I guess that's where the scorpio in me comes in to play -- we'll control anyone that we see as weak or anyone that will let us. Ultimately, it’s that place of peace where his pleasure, will, and satisfaction are all that matter to me that I desire to get.