Quote Originally Posted by delia View Post
I have to fully agree with Reds on what she said. That being said...

I wanted to bring up the point that people are different in the 2 different worlds. I have done the o/l and the r/l. I have met and not met people from online. Sometimes they're fantastic (*points to T*) and sometimes they leave a lot to be desired.

First, sometimes people are great Dominants o/l, but in r/l they are horrible. I assume the same holds true for submissives. It can be because of various issues--sometimes they are inexperienced r/l, sometimes they are introverted in r/l but not o/l, sometimes they are more willing to open up o/l where it's "safer" to do so... but it definitely happens. Just because someone loves online, it doesn't mean they'll love real life. It goes back to "the grass is always greener" adage. I implore everyone to give r/l a try (if you can) sometime, because as Reds mentioned, there's nothing quite like an actual spanking. But some people just end up really not enjoying the r/l-- they actually get off more on having it be verbal and the imagery of online.

Second, people online are not the same they are in r/l because people are just different creatures behind a computer screen. I can't tell you the number of people from here I have met who say "omg you are just like you are online." As if they expect something else *laughing* Well, I can say that I have been on the recieving end of a few instances where people are VERY different in real life and it made the situation somewhat awkward. I don't think that it's always intentional, but people have a way of being different online--it's "safer" to be "you", it's safer to relax, to explore, to goof around. Real life is real--you can't fake it, you can't be as relaxed persay as you can in an online setting. It's something to think about if you are o/l and want to meet your partner r/l --the magic you have o/l may not transfer to r/l.

Third, and probably most important, is that online doesn't have the complicating factors of real life. There's no kids online, no financial issues, no real worries. You come in front of the computer screen and everything (to a degree) vanishes. It's just you and your partner, or you and your friends. Online in that sense is non-discriminatory. It doesn't matter what you look like, where you are from, your history, etc.-- it just matters what you want to portrary o/l or what you are like o/l. It can be a good thing because it's an "escape"--somewhere to go for a sanity check. But it can also lull someone into a false sense of a "perfect relationship." Sure you and your partner have everything in common online--you aren't spending 24/7 with them (or less than that, but that's not the point) and so you can hide all your pet peeves, hide all your vanilla drama, and just be D/s or just be friends. It's something to think about for anyone transitioning to r/l from strictly o/l. That's why I would advise going slow in r/l --meet for short spans of time at the beginning, then longer and longer as time goes on. It gives you both a chance to get to know eachother out of the online context.

In my personal experience, I would say that both online and real life have been fulfilling, but in very different ways. For everyone, the balance that they need and the issues involved will be different. The best way to figure out what works is to try both ways (if possible) and see what you like the best.
I do Agree with you on what you write here. I also have thought more on my initial posted questions, and realize that the word "Real" may have thrown some off. I also have what some may term the disadvantage of *as far as online relating* of Always Always being Me wherever I am, offline or online.

I have met in Real Life ie (meaning ITF) many many PPL, all but 1 in Public places. Mostly at Group Events like Poly meet n' greets, or BDSM munches. It is the usual more then the exception that these PPL are far different in person than online. And this is beyond their physical descriptions of themselves, and extends to their behavior and communication skills. And this Knowledge is a large part of my refusal to Commit myself to much with those I know only online and have not actually met and spent Time with ITF.

I also Agree strongly with what you have said about online Relationship(s) in regards to a false perception of the picture "perfect Relationship". When what is experienced online does not contain the day to day ITF shared Realities like work, bills, dishes, laundry, and things like the other things you've mentioned. And also that one can Roleplay easily enough online with the annonminity factor. Online one can be whatever whomever one Chooses.

I do know PPL that have traveled miles to join Partner(s) they have online, against the best advisement of PPL who actually Know them to Visit a few times at least, First. One I know went all the way from Florida to Alaska, with all of her earthly possessions, sold her home before going etc. Only to find the person she went to join was not at all the person she *thought she knew*. The upside is she Loved Alaska <smiles>, it was somewhere she'd always wanted to go and at least visit, and she decided to stay there though the Relationship she went for didn't work out. Not all these that I know of turned out so well as this one.

There was also a supposed Dom in South Florida who obtained 3 Submissives via online communications with them. They All, without any ITF contact, went to Live with him, against the advisement of friends and family. One of them was a dear friend of mine. For brevity I won't go into much detail here, except to say, one Submissive committed suicide there, one was hospitalized and everntually died, and we ended up having to kidnap my friend leaving behind all of her possessions to save her. He got away scott free as nothing could be proven against him, and he is still out there somewhere <shivers>. And this was the worst turnout I know of thusfar of online Relating.

Others I know have had PICs they sent, and other personal information they shared, things they wrote in confidence, spread on the net for all to see as well. I think its important to mention that Anything one does on the net can be found and seen by PPL it's not intended for also.

I think your advice of short meetings and getting to Really Know someone and they you offline before Committing to anything more is Great Advice for anyone considering such.

It's also so very True that things are not always as they seem, and that includes PPL.

My Partner here for example is a Great Roleplayer and Fantasy builder online <grins>. Especially on chat. He has RT experience which makes things even better for these things in my opinion. But Little is Real information that he shares generally. Even I have mis-taken some things about his playtime online, because it does seem so Real at times, especially in the feedback he gets. And I know him ITF for years now.

Online can be great stuff I think for many reasons, but I also think PPL do need to utilize common sense and good judgement in even online things. Fantasy, Roleplay, and serious considerations of going to ITF, whatever the purpose of ones online behavior and communications....one should always be carefull and consider well what one does, or plans to do.

I so appreciate all the feedback on this topic from Everyone who is contributing to broadening my own perspective and understanding of online behaviors, and it's relation to ITF. Thank You to All!

Respectfully~SidheWolf