cadence, I read your post and my heart went out to you. It is so hard to get what we need that we sometimes feel that if we haven't gotten it, we must not deserve it.

That can't be further from the truth. Please don't feel that you have nothing to offer. I can say positively that your responses to other posts in the forum and the other things you've shared have helped me and many others.

I know you are probably tired of hearing this but you can't give up. Just because one online Dom did not understand/satisfy your needs, doesn't mean that no-one will. Perhaps it would be better to seek out someone who doesn't have so many other submissives that their attention is fractured.

You also need to make the decision about your boyfriend. Nineteen years is a long time. You should be commended for wanting to make things work even though you recognize that you both have changed and that you have needs he is not willing to meet. You have the power to end that relationship so that you will be free to seek one that does meet your needs. If you wait until he makes the decision, I'm afraid your self-esteem will continue to stay low.

I believe that you have the strength to do what needs to be done. You should do it because you are entitled to more than hope; you are worthy of love.

Best wishes,
ER