Quote Originally Posted by Polaris View Post
Knowing this doesn't change the fact though that by now I feel rather let down by him...he says I only have to follow him, but he doesn't lead the way. It's easily said to "just submit", but much harder when you don't really know what to submit to.
I think that statement right there is the entire key to the issue, at least from my experience.... I can't submit to someone I don't respect or someone that I am having doubts about, etc.

Knowing what to submit too, and not just on a physical level but on a mental level as well is important. And, as much as I respect both of you, Sir Russell and Oz, I completely disagree with the "tasks" suggestions. Physical tasks, when the mental submission is searching, has a HUGE potential to lead to more anxiety and even anger. Reason being is because "submitting" to a physical task, while it may be thought provoking, if the mind is not all ready on the submissive track and if there are all ready other problems in the relationship about who is in charge and where they are leading it won't lead to wet and happy but lead more to a "why am I doing this? what does it really matter? Why is THIS the only time/way/shape/form, etc that he wants to dominate me?, etc." At least from my experience that is what it has lead too.

What I needed, when I reached that point one time before was some honest communication and direction. My saying I was "lost" was because I was. I wasn't sure what my submission meant to him, how to keep my submission going and honestly felt like i was being provided with zero direction. I was not feeling secure in my submission and therefore couldn't "just submit." I felt that no ones needs were being met, etc. Most important though I needed to feel it "mentally." Which may or may not be something the Dominate could help with. Honestly, nothing was more frustrating to me during that time then being told to "just submit"... I would always ask the same question... "submit to what?"

And I hate to say it... but it ultimately came down to a matter of respect for me. Through our history he had one failing that no matter how much we discussed, and how much I shared how important it was, he never took it seriously, never made it a priority and so my respect for him slowly whittled away... and without the respect I couldn't whole heartedly "just submit" to him because I felt as though I had to hang on to me in more ways then before to ensure I was taken care of, not hurt, etc.

So...I'm rambling, and honestly not sure I provided a solution at all... but if he isn't "leading" then even if Polaris tasks, etc. she can't follow. She can try and adjust her mind set as Delia suggested but that is still a 2 way street as well since I doubt she is the only one busy or forgetting the relationship or the meaning behind it.... after all it takes 2 to make a relationship work.