Firstly, thanks to all of you for your thoughts and ideas...it is much appreciated, and it helped me a great deal to see that apparently I'm not the only one feeling that way occasionally. You all rock, but of course you already knew that

delia -- once more thanks for sharing your thoughts. I agree whole-heartedly that there is always an ebb and flow, and I am mostly a patient person. I don't mind if at times things are more vanilla than others. What gets me is the, hmm, imbalance of everything. It doesn't work for me to be the one making all the decisions and managing everything in our daily life and then flick a switch and let him decide when he feels like it...I don't really know how to put it, that doesn't sound quite right. Anyway, I will take your advice and just take it one step at a time and hopefully find my way back into the "right" mindset again.

Tasks are a whole different problem. Actually it's two problems. The first problem is that he did not find the time (or nerve) to task me with anything (not even a tiny little thing) for...well, a while. Weeks, at the very least. It's okay if he doesn't feel like it, I realise he's human too...and not always motivated to cover for my pesky little subbie needs. It doesn't feel nice, and I miss the, well, attention...but I can wait for better times without freaking out too much. Now the second problem is that all of a sudden he switches from "I want to rest my head on your shoulder, cuddle me" mode to "dom" mode...and I get flooded with a whole list of tasks which I have no idea when or how to do. My time is also very limited, I don't see how to squeeze in like two hours a day doing this or that. Additionally, if I may let the spoiled brat out for a moment, doing his laundry is not the epitome of sexual satisfaction for me. Shouldn't this whole thing be a two-way street? I want to please him and I'm prepared to go great lengths for that, but every now and then...well, I have a need or two as well.

I think I would love a task like you suggested though, Sir_Russel Unfortunately there's half a metre snow here...a bit too cold for skirts and no panties I shall suggest it to him -- I'm positive he'll love the idea so much that I'll one day curse myself for mentioning it.

just_annie -- I just have to quote you

What I needed, when I reached that point one time before was some honest communication and direction. My saying I was "lost" was because I was. I wasn't sure what my submission meant to him, how to keep my submission going and honestly felt like i was being provided with zero direction. I was not feeling secure in my submission and therefore couldn't "just submit." I felt that no ones needs were being met, etc. Most important though I needed to feel it "mentally." Which may or may not be something the Dominate could help with. Honestly, nothing was more frustrating to me during that time then being told to "just submit"... I would always ask the same question... "submit to what?"
This sums it up so perfectly. If I could "just submit" I'd be doing it. And there is a big difference between submitting and simply doing as you are told, hoping that it might work out at some point *sighs*

Echoes...thank you for your kind words also. I have talked to him using pretty the much the same words (in German, anyway, that being my mother-tongue) and I have sent what I wrote here to him. He does not seem to understand what I mean, though. Saying the same thing over and over again made me "armageddon subbie" (which *I* don't find funny)...he thinks I'm trying to tell him what he has to do (and what he must not do), which is not at all my intention. I'm just trying to be open about my feelings, and my needs, and trying to communicate them in a decent way. I don't really get through, though...although he does say that everything is going to be alright again (but WHEN? goddamnit *pouts*)

I think I may try the meditation thing after all. If it doesn't help it won't harm either...and it's always better to try something rather than just getting all depressed and waiting pointlessly for better times.