Quote Originally Posted by submissivewife
ONLY, how in the hell does one break that kind of bond?
It's broken by your choosing to break it.
And of course, that's sounds much easier than it is.
Ending any relationship can be very difficult.

Take some steps to help you make your decision.

1. Write of list of things you want changed.
Ask yourself honestly, do you want to continue having a realtionship with this person if those changes aren't made?

If not, then it's time to say goodbye.

If yes, but you still aren't sure...

2. Use a test my grandmother taught me.
Take a break from the relationship.

Ask for 6 weeks, no or minimal contact,
for you to take care of yourself.

This is where an abusive partner usually fails the test.

If they "love you and care about you" they won't throw a trantrum.

Trantrum, foul language, bad mouthing you for this request, etc. is a "fail".

Open discussion, granting your request, telling you that they care about you and understand your needs are a pass.

Now can they really leave you alone or not?
You decide what type if any of contact you want, if any.
If they don't respect your boundaries, then it's a fail.

3. If it's a fail, then why stay with this person?

If they can't respect your boundaries now, then they won't in the future.

If after your set amount of time, you realize you are happier and better off without them, then it's easy to decide it's over.

You tell them, "It's over. I choose not to be your partner any more." There are a zillion ways to break up in a vanilla relationship, and they work for BDSM relationships, too. Be classy, don't burn your bridges and be honest without being hurtful.

When dealing with matters of the heart, we have to ask, are we in love with this person, "bonded with this person", or in love with the idea of being in love/bonded?

Taking a break to take care of you, helps you see the relationship from a distance.

No matter what you decide, the decision and right to choose is yours. BDSM relationship or not.

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Now, if we are talking about a real life relationship, one where an abusive personality may physically harm you, that is a different discussion all together.

The "safe planning" link at the US National Domestic Hotline, http://www.ndvh.org/help/planning.html, is a must read.