Some Basic Safety Tips For Online Relationships

[Tojo]

I can't really see much to add to this thread, apart from the fact that I agree with the whole thing pretty much word for word.

submissivewife, I don't know you, but congrats on taking that step. You can be damn proud of yourself.

The majority of people in any sort of relationship have some degree of dependance on their partner. Ideally we should all be able to be happy by ourselves, then find a partner, rather than looking for happiness in someone else.

You have a way with words nikita- good point about developing an attachment to a D/s relationship or the man himself. My pet hate is the belief that 'a Dom is a Dom & a sub is a sub'. We're all people- every D/s relationship is different & I believe very strongly the people are much more important than the type of relationship. To look for a 'Dom' must surely take second place to looking for a decent person, who may also happen to have Dominant qualities.

Bugger the 'rules' -there are no 'rules'. Do what you feel comfortable with, & if the other person isn't happy, give them the flick.

Tojo

[submissivewife]

submissivewife, I don't know you, but congrats on taking that step. You can be damn proud of yourself.

Thanks Tojo. I don't feel proud of my self. I feel awful. Fighting the urge to call, email, and IM him are hard. I am trying to stay strong. Since I sent him the email I have felt as though a weight has been lifted. But my heart still aches. I know this will get better but right now it is hard for me.

Thanks Ruby, I think your great. Your encouragement is, as always, appreciated.

subwife

[Aesop]

Most of the safety concerns in an online relationship are based on male dominants because they are the biggest threat, but there are some submissives out there who play the part too. Not as dangerous as male doms maybe, but just as destructive to a BDSM relationship.

Over-eager

These submissives are the ones who want to "suck the cream out of your cock" in their first contact with you. They tend to talk dirty and push for your dominance from the word go. They also usually won't give you one bit of real information about themselves. Not even a first name. These people are usually just looking for a quick online thrill and have no intention of building anything with you.

Yeah I've done that...and with twenty people watching.

This person has every toy under the sun and has participated in every decadent act known to dom...and is 22. Yeah okaaaay. Watch out for these subs folks. Chances are good it's crap and you'll get a lot of I can't find it's and I lost it's when you ask them to demonstrate something. If you're a new dom someone with experience can be appealing, but makes sure the submissive has experience and isn't just living in a fantasy world.

The amazing lightning sub

You're in the relationship online and because it's new you have no visual on the submissive, but you're giving her orders and she's following them...you think. Tasks take time and sometimes you'll get a sub who can smack her ass ten times with a ruler in under 2 seconds. If you aren't sure whether or not the submissive is actually doing what you want give her tasks that you have timed yourself so you know roughly how long it should take. If the task gets done really, really fast you may be dealing with this person.

There's more of these too and I'll add them as I think of them.

[Tojo]

Thanks Tojo. I don't feel proud of my self. I feel awful. Fighting the urge to call, email, and IM him are hard. I am trying to stay strong. Since I sent him the email I have felt as though a weight has been lifted. But my heart still aches. I know this will get better but right now it is hard for me.

Thanks Ruby, I think your great. Your encouragement is, as always, appreciated.

subwife

From what I've seen s/m, there's a few people who care about you on this forum- make the most of it. Might be time to get some support instead of giving it?

Oh & it won't get better in a big hurry, sad to say- anyone who says time heals all wounds probably isn't divorced or been through too many devastating breakups.

Here's where you find who your true friends are, speaking of 'acid tests'!

All the best,

Tojo

[Ruby]

Oh & it won't get better in a big hurry, sad to say- anyone who says time heals all wounds probably isn't divorced or been through too many devastating breakups.
Tojo

Wise words there, Tojo!

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submissivewife,

Stay strong and please give yourself some time to mourn the relationship that could have been, but wasn't.

Hope each day gets a little easier and the urge to contact him turns into the desire to do something else for yourself.

Big hugs and a shoulder to cry on,

Ruby

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Aesop,

Your last post really struck a nerve.

It's flattering to be contacted by a potential sub.
Then disspointing and frustrating by their "over-eager" urge to do everything at once without any type of relationship established.

Well said! Please keep those tips coming.

[Nikita]

You have a way with words nikita- good point about developing an attachment to a D/s relationship or the man himself. My pet hate is the belief that 'a Dom is a Dom & a sub is a sub'. We're all people- every D/s relationship is different & I believe very strongly the people are much more important than the type of relationship. To look for a 'Dom' must surely take second place to looking for a decent person, who may also happen to have Dominant qualities.
Bugger the 'rules' -there are no 'rules'. Tojo

Thank you for your comment, Tojo. You are a wordsmith in your own right. Like you said, people are people and all of us put pants on the same way.

As to online relationships, I met someone, quite by serendipity, and I liked him as a person first, before play came into the picture. I can't speak for him, but I wasn't looking, so the man came first.

Also, 'there are no rules' for D/s, not really, except sensitivity to your partner, especially if you are the dom.

[Tojo]

Thanks nikita, high praise indeed.

It seems to be a hot topic across the sites & forums, how to meet that 'perfect' partner.

If I had a dollar everytime I've heard from a woman 'I tried an online relationship with a so-called Dom, but he was just a weirdo who wanted cybersex' I'd be a rich man.

Such a waste of time, trust & effort which leaves many feeling jaded & hopeless. If only there was an easier way- the 'CompuDom Dating Service' online compatibility test, type of thing.

Maybe a sub should ask for references!

I think the overwhelming thing is not to be rushed- any prospective partner worth their salt will never rush you.

Tojo

[Aesop]

If you were a real slave you would...

I read a thread today that asked "Is it true that all slaves never say no?" Holy hell! NO it's not true. Limits should be set at what the slave is comforatable with and that's that. If you're guy or girl is telling you that you have no choice or if you were a real slave you would just obey, tell him or her to get stuffed.