An embarassing question

[snowflake]

HI gloomy bunny.. it is a good question.. and i often wondered it myself a long time ago..

It is hard to push your tolerance level but i find it as a want or need now...

Some ways that may help is to find the spot in your head that you can lose yourself .. a place that most are afraid to go.. to totally relax and not tense up.. to let your body float with the pain.. and not fight it.. to let it build inside you.. thinking of how you want to please your Sir.. putting your mind into a thought away from the pain or sometimes even music will help...

But i also feel it has to be the Doms responsibility to get you there in the right way as well..

Working you up slowly softly with a proper length warm up helps as well.. If he goes to fast and your mind and body can't keep up you will feel the pain and not enjoy it but resist from it... It has to be paced properly.. and that is your Dom's responsibility to figure out your pace and how fast you can go to accept it...

I find communication for this is very helpful.. Using the terms green yellow red and a safe word helps the Dom to know where you are at..

green-being go a bit harder
yellow-meaning ok stay here let me catch up
red-being move somewhere else or slow right down as it got ahead of you..

and of course always have a safe word for Stop

If you can get past the pain.. there is a place you will find.. It is called sub space.. Once you have made it there you will find it is somewhere you never want to leave..

It is the place where the natural chemical to fight off the pain lies.. They are called endorphins..

-WHAT ARE ENDORPHINS? ("en-DOR-fins")
"Endorphin" is Greek for "the morphine within", describing pain-relief chemicals produced naturally in the body. The central nervous system is equipped with specific receptor sites for morphine-like substances that attach to receptors to help relay "stop-pain" messages.

To put it bluntly.. it is a total body high.. without using drugs or alchol.. It is a high created by your own chemicals.. and a place you will want to go back to time and time again if you can find it properly...

I know i went almost 5 yrs without it .. and to go without is like an addiction.. it is very hard to forget and not want...

I have left some other places to find out about subspace below..

But i also want you to take note of what happens 36 hours to 4-5 days after a sub hits subspace.. that most don't know about ...

It is called The sub drop...

I will take a part that explains this from this link {remember to read this whole link if you are interested}

http://en.allexperts.com/q/BDSM-2733/Scening.htm

sub drop: "Always, always keep in mind that with the raising of endorphins comes the falling of endorphins. By that I mean sub drop. Sub drop is the term used for, when the endorphin levels drop down past normal. The Dominant must be there for this. It often happens between 36hrs, and up to, 4 or 5 days after the scene. (depending on the submissive).

In sub drop the submissive feels insecure, wishy washy. Her emotions are all over the place. She might feel cold, then hot, then cold again. Her body might tremble and shake. All of which depend on how deep into subspace the submissive went. The deeper the subspace, the harder the sub drop.

Chocolate helps with sub drop, it raises the endorphin levels. Make sure there's water on hand, as well as a blanket. Blanket around a submissive's shoulders held tight along with the arms of her Dominant, can make her feel secure again. A warm shower to help with the chills often helps as well."


Here are also some other references to endorphins and breaking in a sub to pain:

http://en.allexperts.com/q/BDSM-2733/Breaking-sub-extreme-play.htm

This one is a bdsm dictionary as well .. Very smart to keep handy

http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/dictionary/Endorphin/

i hope at least some of this has helped hun... i know it can be frustrating .. and yes the others are right .. sometimes people just are not into it...

Just my opinion

hugs
snow

[Whippett]

HI gloomy bunny.. it is a good question.. and i often wondered it myself a long time ago..

But i also feel it has to be the Doms responsibility to get you there in the right way as well..

If you can get past the pain.. there is a place you will find.. It is called sub space.. Once you have made it there you will find it is somewhere you never want to leave..

It is the place where the natural chemical to fight off the pain lies.. They are called endorphins..

To put it bluntly.. it is a total body high.. without using drugs or alchol.. It is a high created by your own chemicals.. and a place you will want to go back to time and time again if you can find it properly...

I know i went almost 5 yrs without it .. and to go without is like an addiction.. it is very hard to forget and not want...

But i also want you to take note of what happens 36 hours to 4-5 days after a sub hits subspace.. that most don't know about ...

It is called The sub drop...

Excellent points snow. There is also a mild (or not so mild) possibility of shock (the medical condition) associated with sub-drop. It doesn't always happen, but definitely needs to be watched for. If the submissive is prone to suicidal tendencies, sub-drop can trigger such a tendency as well. Immediate after-care from a good session works to reduce the chance of sub-drop (not always, but often). Many subs don't want water or nibblies after a session, but it is a good idea to provide them (and the hugs and gentle words) anyway and make sure they have some water and chocolate and/or fruit during the after care. The sugars in the fruit and chocolate (and the chocolate itself) help reduce the endorphine let down a little. The whole after-care 'gentling process' also has a mental component that counters the depression that may accompany sub-drop (by making pleasant associations with the initial decrease of endorphine levels.

I mentioned shock - many subs (especially in a hard session) get clammy skin and are a little shaky - this is a mild form of shock induced by both the endorphines and the physical 'trauma' of the session. Sips of water and something light (fruit, chocolate, both) help with that as well, as does holding the sub and wrapping her so she's warm ( besides, it feels so good to hold her naked body in my lap and caresses her and tell her what a good girl she is as I feed her nibbles and sips).

[snowflake]

Excellent points snow. There is also a mild (or not so mild) possibility of shock (the medical condition) associated with sub-drop. It doesn't always happen, but definitely needs to be watched for. If the submissive is prone to suicidal tendencies, sub-drop can trigger such a tendency as well. Immediate after-care from a good session works to reduce the chance of sub-drop (not always, but often). Many subs don't want water or nibblies after a session, but it is a good idea to provide them (and the hugs and gentle words) anyway and make sure they have some water and chocolate and/or fruit during the after care. The sugars in the fruit and chocolate (and the chocolate itself) help reduce the endorphine let down a little. The whole after-care 'gentling process' also has a mental component that counters the depression that may accompany sub-drop (by making pleasant associations with the initial decrease of endorphine levels.

I mentioned shock - many subs (especially in a hard session) get clammy skin and are a little shaky - this is a mild form of shock induced by both the endorphines and the physical 'trauma' of the session. Sips of water and something light (fruit, chocolate, both) help with that as well, as does holding the sub and wrapping her so she's warm ( besides, it feels so good to hold her naked body in my lap and caresses her and tell her what a good girl she is as I feed her nibbles and sips).

Whippett you are so right as well.. i have hit that low of depression when i wasn't taken care of after a session as i needed to be.. only because some Dom's didn't know about sub drop...

It can be very scary for the person going through it and dangerous.. That is why i wanted to point it out clearly that it is a must know if you are playing hard and hit sub space..

i would hate to think sub space would be ruined for anyone by a bad sub drop..

and you are right after a good hard play session it is always nice to be shown a little TLC anyways.. to know you didn't disappiont.. Reassurance is very important to a sub.. after all she is trying to please..