I've been happily married for 36 years (come April) to a vanilla woman for whom even normal sex has never been important. I would do anything rather than hurt her.
However, if I know I can do something and not get caught out, I might very well let myself do it. I know that makes me a cheat, but I can live with that. It's better than picking sides and losing what I have, or going without what I want.
In all those years, life has never been as conveniently black or white for me, Master Stone, as it seems to be for you.
TYWD.