Aye, nonoxonyl-9 is pretty nasty, but you can get them without it. Also, Lily, you might try finding some Avanti brand condoms, they're made of different stuff, and they might help.

Otherwise, to reiterate.
1. Lotsa lube. Seriously, you want enough, and then you want a little more. Don't be afraid to stop to re-lube during the act, either.
2. Start small.
3. Start slow...very slow indeed.
4. Enjoy it, it can feel great.
5. See 4.