hummm. Maybe I did not explain this correctly. A bit of clarity is needed. My Masters Master me together. It is a relationship of combined energies. They are very good to me and do not disrespect me. I choose to be where I am now They give me exercises that cause me to examine myself more closely, I believe. This one was prefaced by saying that this road would be filled with breaking me down physically and emotionally and that I must be willing to go there to feel and understand my true self. That he, as my Master would have to go to someplace mentally just as I do in order to complete and absord very harsh demands and comments. It was part of me proving myself as worthy, in that I could succumb to being a worthless piece of trash until being accepted and loved by them and ultimately myself. Otherwise, I do not feel any further need to defend our relationship dynamic. It is working for us. I do however appreciate these replies and have internalized them. Perhaps the answer to my question lies in the fact that I am not a worthless piece of shit, simply because I am their desired property. The answer is in the reverse! Thanks so much....the block is clearing.