Yep, I agree with most of what's already been said.

From what I’ve gleaned from your post (but I hope I’m mistaken) there seems to be emotional and psychological abuse going on here. I’ve seen control like this before in relationships and I don’t like it at all. One grinding the other down into believing that they’re not good enough, deserve nothing, or do not have the ability to cope with life—exactly like you describe your masters—“breaking you down mentally and emotionally” . For these kinds of people, it’s as if they’re desperate to have someone totally dependent on them. They want you to be like: "You can do anything you want with me, if you’ll just help me be less worthless." The very fact that you’re new to the lifestyle and a self-confessed perfectionist makes you so very vulnerable to this to sort of abuse.

Take extreme care here, lora, it’s one thing to be a submissive entrusting your power to another/others who you trust completely, but it’s a whole new and dangerous game if you reach that point of emotional dependence where you actually start believing, “I’m a useless piece of shit.”