Euryleia's 3rd Level Two Assignment

[Euryleia]

Frankly, I don't think I was particularly gentle. With some authors a certain method to get through is necessary - they have particular mistakes that are constantly repeated. Your mistakes are not often repeated and seem to be more a cause of attempting to get your assignments up in quickly.

Frankly, I have been very impressed with your skills and I look forward to being mean to you in the upper levels - I do suspect, however, that I won't get the same chance I usually get.

My glass is up to you and I look forward to having you chastise me for my writing.

Dean

I don't equate not being tactful with being mean. The criticisms that you have made of my writing are perfectly valid. Sure, you could have prettied them up with niceties but the blunt question "How many times are you going to start a sentence with a pronoun?" was very effective in getting me to pay attention to what I had done and what I need to do to improve.

Nice try but I'm beginning to thing you're actually a teddy bear.

I look forward to lifting a virtual glass with you as I navigate the next level. Thank you for your positive comments and support.

[Aussiegirl1]

Nice try but I'm beginning to thing you're actually a teddy bear.

Yep, I think you may be right LOL

[Nikita]

I'm sorry to be late in my response. But, imo, better late than never.

I like the plot a lot, slave trade as a family business.

One of the things that as a reader I pay a lot of attention to is the characters.

Can you describe his children a little more? For instance, I had to go back to see who Eleanor and Antonia were. Eleanor was the one sitting next to keyboard, but I don't know anymore about her other than she is one of the daughters. I understand the mention of his son later on but, I'd like to know who the players are earlier. What makes them different from one another? What is their function in the story?

The highlighted phrases are examples and the bla blas are just that. I think you know what I mean.

“Yes, Father.” Eleanor said from her seat next to computer workstation that held a wireless keyboard and large, multi-purpose remote. She bumped up the volume and glanced over at her younger sister and her father. Eleanor, who was wearing wire rimmed glasses that softened the angles of her face, was in charge of bla bla bla.

“Steve is one of our best trainers, Daddy,” Antonia replied mildly.

“Steve is one of our best trainers, Daddy,” Antonia, his eldest daughter replied mildly. She was the most experienced one of the siblings, and as such, responsible for bla bla bla

“He gives them too much power. Letting them ask questions, what in the blazes is that?’

(sentence structure?) I'm sorry if someone already mentioned that. It's just a minor thing.

By the end of the story, it is clear who is the strongest of the characters. I like how you set the stage look forward to reading the rest.