Absolutely no ill will taken, Mastersgem. I suppose I've used this forum as a friend in some ways. I have no one else to vent my feelings to. I have no friends I can discuss this part of my life with and I've enjoyed being able to speak my mind here.

For what it's worth, I've served my penance and, due to my lack of commitment, I've not received the reward I was promised. I knew this would happen - it's not the first time I've pitted my will against his and lost and I know it won't be the last. It's the way we live and I have to admit that I take some pleasure from my suffering. He thinks I would benefit from total abstention. I think I serve him better with the promise of a reward but a small part of my soul wants to give up my pleasure in favour of his.