You still have a tendency to throw "and" in where it weakens the moment. I know it is correct in usage but it can really sap the punch from a sentence.

For instance:

The clattering of hooves rang off the tightly packed buildings and she grinned at the alacrity with which the townspeople got out of their way.

The and really kicks this sentence down a notch. You can make it two or one, but the "and" just slows it down. You do this a lot! You also use simple terms where slightly more interesting terms could spice things. "got out of the way" just doesn't suit your ability or this piece.

The clattering of hooves rang off the tightly packed buildings. She grinned at the alacrity with which the townspeople scattered from the onrushing hoard of soldier's horses.

You also tend to use contractions in your narration that don't belong. It's fine to use contractions in dialog but not the best plan in narration - not so frequently as you use them, at any rate.

Another thing you tend to do is end or start paragraphs with uninteresting paragraphs that really go nowhere.

"The next morning, she returned to the dungeon."

That was the start of a paragraph that should have had interest. We know why she went to the dungeon but you can still give us a reason - a motivation.

Well, I could go on a bit, but I don't want to overwhelm. You've a knack and a half for telling a story - as I have said before. A few minor modifications to how you go about it and you will have really excellent stories and, frankly, if I were not here to destroy your ego I would be giving this a "9" in the library.

Catch ya later!