jamb's 1st assignment

[H Dean]

Underwhere,

In the story, the person was afraid of the person in charge - "Sir" - and it was painfully obvious. It was also quite repetitive. There are more effective and non-repetitive ways to do this.


"Y-yes, sir," Joe blurted to the powerful figure.

"Shall I show you another time?" the man asked, his glare dark and ominous.

"Please, don't. I am afraid," he said, his voice trembling with obvious fear.

"Why not, dear Joseph?"

I...I'm not...I don't..****ease," Joe stammered.

"Please what, dear boy?"

Joe, his voice a near whisper, bowed his head, casting about for words before finally muttering another ragged and fear filled "Please?"




Of course, the manner in which you represent this fear will be repeated to a degree. The objective is to offer it up without getting to be sing song and dull with presentation. Change the order - change the tempo - change delivery. This is what I am getting at.