Protocol?

[cookiecat]

I've just read through this thread.

Ohhhhhhhhh - it's good to be back at the Library.

Seriously, though - it's wonderful to know this little community extends beyond the monitor and allows for r/l interaction.

[Ozme52]

Now Oz- you've always come across as someone who listens to the other side of an argument & usually talks sense. Allow me to clarify my previous post.




Now, Amber is meeting someone who identifies as a Dom- someone who has never dommed her from what I can gather from her original post. From what you're saying, all subs should defer to any guy who says 'I'm a Dom?'

So if I come on this forum & say I'm 'Regent Tojo' does that mean that when I met Aussiegirl, she should have addressed me as such?

My point is that until a Dom proves that he deserves respect- in person, they're just a guy who says 'I'm a Dom.'

Well, that's part of the problem with the language. I wrote "formal name" and you apparently thought I meant "entitlement".

But you don't call your boss (my example) "Bob" unless he invited you to do so. You use terms like Mr. Bosses-name, or sir. Likewise, if your name is Regent Tojo, then that may well be the best thing to call you... certainly not "master" or "lord" which are "protocol" forms of address. If you invite her to call you Tojo, or master for that matter, she still has the option to decline and address you formally, I guess in this case, as Regent Tojo.

As far as deserving respect is concerned, everyone deserves a modicum of respect, (dom, sub, or vanilla,) until they prove they don't deserve it. I've always found that to be a better approach to dealing with people. And it appears to me, so does amber, as she was concerned about protocol.

Perhaps my explanation was too brief.

[Alex Bragi]

Well seeing as how we don't seem to want this thread to die as I'd hoped....

Oh & btw mods- what happened to Cool Luke's Hand's second post? Is it OK for Russell to say I 'personally disgust him' but not for Luke to say as he pleases? Please explain.

Now Oz- you've always come across as someone who listens to the other side of an argument & usually talks sense. Allow me to clarify my previous post.




Now, Amber is meeting someone who identifies as a Dom- someone who has never dommed her from what I can gather from her original post. From what you're saying, all subs should defer to any guy who says 'I'm a Dom?'

So if I come on this forum & say I'm 'Regent Tojo' does that mean that when I met Aussiegirl, she should have addressed me as such?

My point is that until a Dom proves that he deserves respect- in person, they're just a guy who says 'I'm a Dom.'

Unfortunately, Cool Luke's Hand has been a bit of loaded gun ever since he arrived here, with several of his posts having to be edited and warnings issued. His post on this thread, plus another extremely scathing tirade on another has been removed along with his membership--he's been banned.

You and Sir Russell are intelligent men and valued members of this site. I know you're also both very well liked and respected and, generally, have a lot of good things to offer. I believe this is the reason that you've both been give a certain amount of latitude at times.

Now please, may we get back to Amber's original question and discussion, which I was actually finding rather interesting.

[J-Go]

Well, well, well….this has gotten interesting to say the least. Can I just re-establish that I am the Dom here…If I had a problem with Amber meeting Sir Russell, or anyone for that matter I can assure you it would not happen.
I am not, nor have I been insulted by anyone or anything that has been posted on this thread. Oz from one flirt to another…it’s OK, if I think you or anyone has crossed the line I’ll let you know, trust me on this…still looking forward to meeting you! Sir Russell the fact that you are hanging in here on this thread says a great deal so just for clarification, I completely trust Amber, you and your integrity in this meeting. If you have any questions or would simply like to reach out to me as her Dom a simple PM would be fine with me.
As for everyone’s advice thank you. I do think it’s time to put this thread to bed however as the advice has been taken, permission granted (encouraged actually) and the meeting set. Let’s review…the advice has been 1) meet in a public place, I think an airport qualifies. 2) call your Dom when you meet, I look forward to meeting Sir Russell as well albeit over the phone. 3) have an escape plan in case things get weird, we have that. All good advice, all taken and implemented. Again thank you. Now can we all stop hovering around my sub and let me get back to spanking her?...Thank you

[gemmy]

Well, well, well….this has gotten interesting to say the least. Can I just re-establish that I am the Dom here…If I had a problem with Amber meeting Sir Russell, or anyone for that matter I can assure you it would not happen.
I am not, nor have I been insulted by anyone or anything that has been posted on this thread. Oz from one flirt to another…it’s OK, if I think you or anyone has crossed the line I’ll let you know, trust me on this…still looking forward to meeting you! Sir Russell the fact that you are hanging in here on this thread says a great deal so just for clarification, I completely trust Amber, you and your integrity in this meeting. If you have any questions or would simply like to reach out to me as her Dom a simple PM would be fine with me.
As for everyone’s advice thank you. I do think it’s time to put this thread to bed however as the advice has been taken, permission granted (encouraged actually) and the meeting set. Let’s review…the advice has been 1) meet in a public place, I think an airport qualifies. 2) call your Dom when you meet, I look forward to meeting Sir Russell as well albeit over the phone. 3) have an escape plan in case things get weird, we have that. All good advice, all taken and implemented. Again thank you. Now can we all stop hovering around my sub and let me get back to spanking her?...Thank you

*claps* as always J-Go, well said

[Warbaby1943]

Everyone is free to not follow this thread if they wish. Why do some not like a spirited debate? Isn't that what forums such as this are for - to present differing views?

Personally I enjoy reading threads like this much more then some others here. You get different philosophies along with other thoughts and ideas. I would only suggest that personal attacks, such as those above, be minimized and flaming rules be invoked.

[annie]

Everyone is free to not follow this thread if they wish. Why do some not like a spirited debate?

Hmmmmmmm if I answer that then I could potentially be in a pissing match, since I doubt either of us are going to change our opinions...

[Warbaby1943]

Hmmmmmmm if I answer that then I could potentially be in a pissing match, since I doubt either of us are going to change our opinions...

You're right.

[gemmy]

Everyone is free to not follow this thread if they wish. Why do some not like a spirited debate? Isn't that what forums such as this are for - to present differing views?

Personally I enjoy reading threads like this much more then some others here. You get different philosophies along with other thoughts and ideas. I would only suggest that personal attacks, such as those above, be minimized and flaming rules be invoked.

I agree to an extent Warbaby - but the 'debate' isn't in form with the OP's question - If a debate is wanted, then that thread should be done aside and apart from this one, no?

[Alex Bragi]

I agree to an extent Warbaby - but the 'debate' isn't in form with the OP's question - If a debate is wanted, then that thread should be done aside and apart from this one, no?

gem, there's often a fine line between "debate" and "discussion", let's not debate or discuss the diferences here.

[Warbaby1943]

erased -premature post-u-lation

[gemmy]

erased -premature post-u-lation

*giggles madly* that's great! haha

[Mr.FixIt]

This is my first time posting here. I am very impressed by what I've seen. My work often takes me to all points elsewhere, and my response to DowntownAmber's original question would have been entirely different, but I appreciate the opportunity to observe your various points of view.

[Mr.FixIt]

My sub and I, long before she agreed to be my sub, agreed to not go anywhere without each other. I cannot fathom her leaving our home to meet someone without me--with miles of distance between us--or my agreement to such a scenario. I know that most of the world is a lot more comfortable with the concept, but I would never set her up to meet someone w/o me. And she would not either. But, we are old souls, and we are a little different than most. What a situation to put her in! Surely she would find some forum for advice. Thankfully, the advice that (most) of you have provided has been well-intentioned. However, We would simply feel that a person in a devoted (or Dom/sub) relationship would never allow this type of meeting to occur. Please do not misunderstand, there is no judgement implied here--I just cannot comprehend how this type of meeting would be appropriate or justified.

[lily27]

My sub and I, long before she agreed to be my sub, agreed to not go anywhere without each other. I cannot fathom her leaving our home to meet someone without me--with miles of distance between us--or my agreement to such a scenario. I know that most of the world is a lot more comfortable with the concept, but I would never set her up to meet someone w/o me. And she would not either. But, we are old souls, and we are a little different than most. What a situation to put her in! Surely she would find some forum for advice. Thankfully, the advice that (most) of you have provided has been well-intentioned. However, We would simply feel that a person in a devoted (or Dom/sub) relationship would never allow this type of meeting to occur. Please do not misunderstand, there is no judgement implied here--I just cannot comprehend how this type of meeting would be appropriate or justified.

I think that is a very interesting angle that no one has brought up yet. I understand that there is no judgement intended, and I don't have any either, but it is an important point to make.

If I wanted to meet another submissive I am pretty sure Master would easily find it suitable to grant permission. However, meeting a Dom would be a different story. I just yelled down the hallway at him "If I was travelling and wanted to meet a Dom, would you let me?" He replied "It depends... now I am going to bed," so we will have to discuss this one further tomorrow.

If it was someone that he knew personally, then perhaps. I am not sure if he would be willing to send me to meet a stranger.

Food for thought, definitely.

And welcome to the Forums, Mr. Fix It.

[lily27]

I am not Oz (if you couldn't tell....) but you pose interesting questions Tojo, so I am going to butt in.

If I am meeting someone in person, I am looking to meet the real person, and not their online persona. I would expect to call them by their given name (and would certainly expect to be provided with their given name) until I deemed it appropriate to call them something different. I am not implying that anyone is misrepresenting themselves online, but we all have an online persona. For example....

<------ This is not my ass. It is just a great picture. I have been honest about that to the umpteen people who have PM'd me to ask.

lily is not my real name.

Although BDSM is an important aspect of my life, it is not the only thing. If you are meeting me in person I expect you to be interested in all of me, not just "lily with the hot avatar" and as such would refer to me by my real name.

And no, nobody deserves more respect just because they state they are a Dom. Even if I know for a fact that they are a Dom I do not respect them any more than I would my father, my brother, or a close friend. The only person who is granted additional respect is my Master, and that is something he proved he deserves.

[Isabella King]

<------ This is not my ass. It is just a great picture. I have been honest about that to the umpteen people who have PM'd me to ask.

Awh! I'm disappointed, Lily. I thought that was your bum

[cookiecat]

Didn't Amber contact Him? Or shall I say him - since in this context, he's not her Dom? I realize - at first - she was going with her Dom and then that changed.

Isn't this meeting as friends? No potential play date? I would (with permission) welcome the opportunity to meet friends I've come to know here on the board - Doms, subs, whatever the label. Of course, precautions are always good! However, we do get to know each other fairly well through this forum.

A little lunch, a cup of coffee and the opportunity to connect with a forum friend. Sounds kinda cool.

[Sir_Russell]

hmmmmmm, I just realized the proof in mine and ambers case will be in the meeting. Afterwards she can answer if I am as I appear to be and if I am a risk to subbies everywhere. LOL, this still won't prove that meeting anyone for the first time is safe or not.

Oh as an aside here I have given J-Go my full name driver's license # current address, new address, current phone # and new phone #. To cross reference a thread on trust I guess I fall into I get a feel for who I can trust and then I do till there is proof that it was a mistake.

I also agree that all that info should indeed be given to both Dom and sub that are meeting for an intro that may lead to future a future session. Sadly for me that isn't going to happen and isn't the reason for this meet at all.

I think I have found kindred spirits in both amber and J-Go and will come away from our meetings with new wonderful friends.

Oh I as a geezer thank all of you that assumed I would be able to mmmmm seduce the lovely intelligent amber but her own code of honor would never allow that.

[Mr.FixIt]

It's not a big deal, it happens to most of us, Warbaby!

[Mr.FixIt]

It's not a big deal, it happens to most of us, Warbaby!

My sub, stripedangel, accidentally sent this post under my logon this morning. On that note, and out of respect for J-Go, Russell and amber, I will bow out of this thread. Please do not misunderstand any of my posts, I only intended to offer another perspective and did not intend to imply that mine was the only correct perspective. I also failed to read J-Go's previous post asking that we put this thread to rest.

That being said, I have work to do to ensure that my logon is not inadvertantly used again!

[Warbaby1943]

My sub, stripedangel, accidentally sent this post under my logon this morning. On that note, and out of respect for J-Go, Russell and amber, I will bow out of this thread. Please do not misunderstand any of my posts, I only intended to offer another perspective and did not intend to imply that mine was the only correct perspective. I also failed to read J-Go's previous post asking that we put this thread to rest.

That being said, I have work to do to ensure that my logon is not inadvertantly used again!

LOL that happens too.

[DowntownAmber]

My sub, stripedangel, accidentally sent this post under my logon this morning. On that note, and out of respect for J-Go, Russell and amber, I will bow out of this thread. Please do not misunderstand any of my posts, I only intended to offer another perspective and did not intend to imply that mine was the only correct perspective. I also failed to read J-Go's previous post asking that we put this thread to rest.

That being said, I have work to do to ensure that my logon is not inadvertantly used again!

Oh no, no offense was taken on this end at all. Quite the contrary, an interesting perspective and I'm glad you shared. I agree with you, in fact, in the sense this meeting would never happen as a play date, but as friends getting together? It seems most comfortable. On that we disagree, but certainly it's not a malice laced debate.

[gemmy]

*whistles innocently*

psssssssssst -there is a thread for you boys to go play in over there ----------->(General Talk) hehehe

How about we leave Amber's thread on her topic and put the discussion of who's who in the Dom world to the new topic I've provided hmmmmm?

I for one would enjoy continuing to watch and learn, just not at this post's expense

~wiggles on out~

[DowntownAmber]

I am very much looking forward to penning the follow-up to this thread... If this simple little post could get so much attention, I can't imagine the interest that will be paid to the actual meeting!

Of course, I will probably end up saying that Sir Russell is a really nice guy and we had a great conversation and he didn't try to mollest me in baggage claim so no one will really care cuz where's the controversy in that??

Then we'll meet Oz and J and I will likely post we had a great time with him too and laughed until someone shot beer out their nose and not even once did Oz grab me by the hair and try to steal me away on the back of his bike.

Hmmm, normal adult interaction there too, dammit! Where's the fun in that??

*giggles uncontrollably and wanders off*

[gemmy]

lmao Amber - So embelish for the Domly types *giggles n winks*

[Warbaby1943]

lmao Amber - So embelish for the Domly types *giggles n winks*

Now be fair here. These last couple comments were as far off base form the original question as those that a new thread was started over, wouldn't you say? LOL

[gemmy]

lol yes *hangs head in shame*

[Ozme52]

[Tojo]

Oz in the first place this thread was started by Downtown Amber- not J-Go.

The original post was asking about protocol "Is there a particular protocol to meeting another Dom for the first time"

I also prefaced my post with 'seeing as how we don't want this thread to die as I'd hoped'

You're still hinting around the question- what does your boss have to do with it? She's not meeting her boss.

I'll go on thinking that you believe that anyone who says they're a Dom, or a Sir somehow deserves respect. If that's what you think it's fine- I just don't happen to agree. End of story.

BTW- I did not 'call you out' I merely asked you to clarify a post. We're not gunfighters, & I personally couldn't care less who can piss the furthest, as someone put it.