For New Submissives - The Wannabe Chronicles

[tydnchaynz{NSXX}]

[QUOTE=mastersgem;588182]

I think it's one that many new submissives don't spend enough of:

- take your time choosing the right Master/slave
- take your time enjoying the slow process of communication, building trust, devotion and love
- take your time in all Y/your thoughts - be sure of every thought before acting on it
- take your time in all Y/your actions - build the anticipation, savor each caress (verbal and physical), relish all the new sensations
- take your time in getting to subspace and linger happily there
- take your time in all the slow aftercare and resulting love

[QUOTE]

From a subbie who works DAILY on the patience thing, i am in full agreement, Gem. Time is something that alot of us take for granted, but once wasted, it can never be retrieved. Sarah Bachman wrote in one of her books that "we can stand in the middle of a river and die of thirst."

Take the time to enjoy the things that you have around you. If your life is spent wishing for the things you want to come along, you can forget to enjoy the things that are right in front of your face.

In the context of a relationship, be it vanilla, Dom/sub, Master/slave or etc., getting there is more than half of the fun. Enjoy the friendships made along the way, because they are special in their own right. Learning about other people can often bring great insights about yourself. And as they say...."Good things come to those who wait."

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

Mastersgem, I wanted to say thanks for the safety precautions you posted up there. I have a friend who is just now exploring BDSM and is looking for a Dom. I copied and pasted the precautions and e-mailed them to her so that she would realize that she needed to keep herself safe. So thanks again!

[Tojo]

I vote this thread be made into a sticky- assuming it can be added to. Whenever I get a query from someone who has no idea what's 'expected' of a sub I wonder how many are out there who don't have the nerve to ask someone, or start a thread.

IMO the greatest threat to our community are those who use ignorance & inexperience to prey on new subs. How many are lost to D/s forever through being misused & abused?

My most common answer to enquiries, is 'If he cares, he'll listen'

[gemmy]

Mastersgem, I wanted to say thanks for the safety precautions you posted up there. I have a friend who is just now exploring BDSM and is looking for a Dom. I copied and pasted the precautions and e-mailed them to her so that she would realize that she needed to keep herself safe. So thanks again!

Anytime hun and I'm extremely happy if it helps anyone

[tydnchaynz{NSXX}]

I do love this thread, and i had a question for everyone. Is there anywhere in the community that has a listing of potentially dangerous Dom/me's and Subs? I think it would be difficult to maintain such a list because i'm not speaking about people who have made others angry for whatever reason, but the people who in real life have truly hurt someone, continuously ignore safewords, and are just predators in general. It's just a thought i had, but again, i can't see how to get around the tendency for people to be petty and write a warning about someone that may not have done anything but not be the person one thought they were going to be. Any suggestions?

[icey]

its a good idea in principle but in reality im not sure it would work, as i think has been mentioned elswhere its likely to turn into a bitching arena,unfortunately thats the nature of people.

probably the best thing is to get involved with local munches,decent groups and the like,i think you'd be far more likely to hear better advice, genuine experiences and knowledge of less than pleasant characters,most people who belong to groups like these are decent and want nothing to do with the idiots who give the lifestyle a bad reputation.

although there not going to know everyone obviously and there is always going to be many out there who are unknown.

[gemmy]

I agree with icey, tyd - it would be too hard to define it properly and what one person calls abuse may be another's pleasure and all that.

The best defense is knowledge and to continue to educate new gurls about their worth and safety and to try to ensure they are all playing it safe within THEIR rules, not the Dom's until such time as they come to trust each other and have a negotiation in place

[Tojo]

I do love this thread, and i had a question for everyone. Is there anywhere in the community that has a listing of potentially dangerous Dom/me's and Subs? I think it would be difficult to maintain such a list because i'm not speaking about people who have made others angry for whatever reason, but the people who in real life have truly hurt someone, continuously ignore safewords, and are just predators in general. It's just a thought i had, but again, i can't see how to get around the tendency for people to be petty and write a warning about someone that may not have done anything but not be the person one thought they were going to be. Any suggestions?

That's been suggested before tydnchaynz, but wouldn't work for many reasons- predators change their names, & are very good at putting on a false front.

More importantly, as mastersgem said- who are we to judge? Just because a guy hurts someone, doesn't mean he's not capable of changing, & becoming a real Dom.

I always say if you're interested in someone, read their posts if they're on a forum- if you click on someone's name, you get an option to 'show all posts'

Not infallible by any means, but it's a start.

99.9% of the problems I hear about are caused by one thing- subs rushing into a relationship, often due to pressure from the new Dom. I maintain that if he cares, he'll allow you to take your time, & even slow you down a bit.

[gemmy]

99.9% of the problems I hear about are caused by one thing- subs rushing into a relationship, often due to pressure from the new Dom. I maintain that if he cares, he'll allow you to take your time, & even slow you down a bit.

no truer words were spoken I'm sure and it is one thing every sub needs to pay attention to

[seekingsusie]

It works both ways, too. I talked online a while back to a male sub who thought he was immune just because he was male and the Domme was a "tiny little thing."

He was tied up by the tiny little thing in a hotel room and she let in her boyfriend. The maid found him the next morning still tied quite nicely--minus his wallet and car keys. One hard limit until you're sure is that if bondage occurs, it's never more than two limbs.

[icey]

the poor guy!

tojo has a good point there one i never would have thought of, going back through peoples posts if your meeting someone from a forum.

sure people often do present themselves differently on the net but they also often slip up its hard i would imagine to keep a certain persona up after a length of time as he said its not infallible and you'd need to go by more than just posts alone and take as many precautions as possible, but its a starting point and could give some valuable insight.

[seekingsusie]

A vanilla friend sent this to me as a joke, and yes ... it is funny. On the other hand, it has a lot to say about the setting of the first meeting(s) when you're trying to get to know the Dom/me or sub.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're really not my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thianks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any atempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

[gemmy]

the poor guy!

tojo has a good point there one i never would have thought of, going back through peoples posts if your meeting someone from a forum.

sure people often do present themselves differently on the net but they also often slip up its hard i would imagine to keep a certain persona up after a length of time as he said its not infallible and you'd need to go by more than just posts alone and take as many precautions as possible, but its a starting point and could give some valuable insight.

I have done this many times, reading through another's post to check them out - harder when they don't post a lot though lol

On AFF, there are many groups a person can belong to so it's not hard to quickly see what they are truly interested if you only take the time to read

[gemmy]

A vanilla friend sent this to me as a joke, and yes ... it is funny. On the other hand, it has a lot to say about the setting of the first meeting(s) when you're trying to get to know the Dom/me or sub.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're really not my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thianks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any atempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

this is cute hehe and I must say that this...

1. Specificity

is hard to say sober haha!