Thanks Thrall for the thread…great discussion.
Questions come in many different forms with many different intended outcomes. The question “why did you hurt me?” in a moment of emotional stress isn’t really a question at all but a statement “you hurt me!” I have a friend who is an attorney who says he never asks a question he doesn’t know the answer to. I’m pretty sure he asks hard questions, but I think it would be a stretch to say his questions are really about personal discovery, I think they are more about entrapment. I’m not sure a question hard or otherwise should be asked until we are clear about the understanding we are trying to gain for ourselves, “what is it I am trying to understand?”.
“Do you have a current STD test?” is factual question with a “yes” or “no” out come. This type of question is pretty simple to reconcile in your mind as you are looking for a simple outcome. “Why are you such a liar?” is a no win question. I mean really what do you expect other than an emotion filled joust of more emotion backed questions, and unless it’s the confrontation you are after, you will never get what you think is a “straight answer” anyway.
My advice, separate the factual questions from the emotional questions. Get the factual questions out in some form before you meet…seriously why waste the time. As to the questions with an emotional “twinge” to them, think on those a bit. If you let the question pass through the emotional veil we all have, you will find it enter into another place of probably more questions, but questions rooted in understanding rather than emotion. When time to ask these questions set an atmosphere of understanding or at least respect and before you respond to any question give yourself 3 to 5 seconds after a question is asked to let the emotional roll of the question pass and allow the question to get to the place that seeks understanding…Good Luck!