How do you approach the hard questions????

[Whippett]

Trust and Honesty, i believe is the foundation to any relationship and without them, all will crumble!

i can see, to an extent, where my question, "why" could lead one to think that there is a lack of trust but, at the same time....what provoked the question?

Precisely - without trust and honesty - no relationship stands a chance - vanilla or kink. And yes - if there is a perception of lack of trust - that is precisely the time to address it and provide the answers you need to hear...whether they are hard answers for you to hear or hard answers for the Dom to give.

Silence is the relationship killer - not honesty!

[thrall]

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Silence is the relationship killer

Alright....conundrum


Being silent with questions that need to be asked......or being silent with the answers that need to be given....

If you don't ask the hard questions and stay silent.....it doesn't cause the problems.....but if you do ask the questions.....the messenger may be killed....

You are encouraged to ask questions........just not some questions...

its a catch 22.....a no win situation....

[Whippett]

Alright....conundrum


Being silent with questions that need to be asked......or being silent with the answers that need to be given....

If you don't ask the hard questions and stay silent.....it doesn't cause the problems.....but if you do ask the questions.....the messenger may be killed....

You are encouraged to ask questions........just not some questions...

its a catch 22.....a no win situation....

Both thrall - if you don't ask because you're afraid of the answer that will be a constant sore as well. And the messenger should never be killed - lol.

Besides - if there is openness - then the reality ought to be that (as Tom said) even if you don't like the question - or the answer - at least it's in the open where together you can work on the issue to come to a place where both can live with the truth, however hard it is.

[jeanne]

Do you think you could all be done with you pseudo-secret character assassination? It's boring and beneath us all.

[thrall]

Do you think you could all be done with you pseudo-secret character assassination? It's boring and beneath us all.

Its a valid serious question.....

How do you ask the hard questions???......

I am in this conundrum........i don't like asking questions the are uncomfortable.....i don't like it one bit...but i do it.

I know very well that there are going to be things that i am going to ask/say that may not be pleasant....on either side...

so....again.....is it better to stay silent or to ask the hard questions??

[casie1124]

It's never good to not ask a question just because you fear it may be confrontational. Better to ask it and get it out of the way than it constantly be nagging at your conscious. I'm sure the person you want to ask the question would much prefer getting it out of the way than having problems with it down the road.

[GearJammer]

Do you think you could all be done with you pseudo-secret character assassination? It's boring and beneath us all.

A good point, but it should not be stretched to cover someone telling the truth of what happened to them, either. Just to cover all the bases that others might attempt to apply your post to.

[cookiecat]

Do you think you could all be done with you pseudo-secret character assassination? It's boring and beneath us all.

Was this one of the hard questions?

[jeanne]

Was this one of the hard questions?

It wasn't hard to ask, cookie. And I got the answer I expected - excuses and avoidance. It's a shame that minx felt the need to air this very specific example, knowing that everyone would know who she was talking about. It seems that there's some sort of underlying "Dom pissing match" going on here at the library, egged on by some subbies. It's happened before and it will happen again.

So, to answer the original question...

Yes, the hard questions should be asked. And yes, the fallout from them is sometimes not what we intend/hope for. But it's better to know up front than to leave it lingering and festering out of fear...and when the reaction or answer is not what we expected, well, at least we know. And can make a decision based on that.

[annie]

It wasn't hard to ask, cookie. And I got the answer I expected - excuses and avoidance. It's a shame that minx felt the need to air this very specific example, knowing that everyone would know who she was talking about. It seems that there's some sort of underlying "Dom pissing match" going on here at the library, egged on by some subbies. It's happened before and it will happen again.

So, to answer the original question...

Yes, the hard questions should be asked. And yes, the fallout from them is sometimes not what we intend/hope for. But it's better to know up front than to leave it lingering and festering out of fear...and when the reaction or answer is not what we expected, well, at least we know. And can make a decision based on that.

And sort of along those same lines...

1. When a question is asked there is normally more too it or the asker wouldn't have the need to to ask it.

2. And no one can ever know the full story of anyone else's relationship unless they are a part of it, so judging which questions should and shouldn't be asked and how the responses should or shouldn't have happened and the persons character is unfair to both parties and no one's business unless they are directly involved from the start of the initial relationship.

And while the thread was started for the right reasons... Here's my question...

Why do some find it necessary to air their laundry and other's in a public forum and try to do it on the sly in the process? Certainly leads back to my second point of judging and a persons character.

So, I agree some questions need to be asked... INSIDE the relationship and kept there. Otherwise the trust that everyone is talking about in needing the questions and answers is just as broken, imo.