BDSM verses Sex

[TomOfSweden]

She has regular meetings with another man, in fact apparently she often uses that to humiliate her submissive--telling him what a great fuck he is and that kind of thing. He masturbates but rarely gets an erection when they're actually playing. The relationship is happy, well, that is to say, they're both find it very satisfying.

You just said here they they're both sexually satisfying each other. As I see it there are two relevant definitions for sex:

1) Reproduction.
2) Good feelings and intimate social bonding involving our sexual organs. The brain is a sexual organ.

Just because he takes the sexual tension her domme creates and later flogs his dolphin doesn't mean that his later satisfaction from masturbating isn't connected to the former.

I think he's confusing the two definitions.

[Tojo]

Well I don't know what's more important, but I certainly believe you can have a D/s or BDSM relationship without sex.

To me that's kind of the ultimate projection of D/s- to tie a girl, tease the heck out of her & not have sex. I like the thought of being fully clothed while she's naked & moaning.

Hmm, I'll stop there.....

[Alex Bragi]

You just said here they they're both sexually satisfying each other. As I see it there are two relevant definitions for sex:

...

Well, not to put too finer point on it but, no, I actually said "they satisfy each other", I assumed from chatting to the man that sex, certainly in the way I think of sex, was not a part of the satisfaction.

[TomOfSweden]

Well, not to put too finer point on it but, no, I actually said "they satisfy each other", I assumed from chatting to the man that sex, certainly in the way I think of sex, was not a part of the satisfaction.

erm.... ok, then. But I think you're bending over backwards now. If they aren't satisfying each other sexually, then what is he doing there? What other possible need could she fulfil? Money, an apartment, company...?

[cadence]

erm.... ok, then. But I think you're bending over backwards now. If they aren't satisfying each other sexually, then what is he doing there? What other possible need could she fulfil? Money, an apartment, company...?

Are you saying Tom that a relationship cannot exist if there is no sexual satisfaction between two people when there should be?

I do know that you don't have to have sex to keep the relationship going. I know of a couple who are married, but have never consummated the marriage; he is not attracted to women, she is bisexual. They each play on the side. They are quite happy with each other.

[TomOfSweden]

Are you saying Tom that a relationship cannot exist if there is no sexual satisfaction between two people when there should be?

I do know that you don't have to have sex to keep the relationship going. I know of a couple who are married, but have never consummated the marriage; he is not attracted to women, she is bisexual. They each play on the side. They are quite happy with each other.

But that's different. They're just friends.

Maybe I'm being narrow minded here. But D/s for me is sex. If one party is being dominated by another there's sex going on. Because if there's no sexual tension, the submissive will get bored and fuck off. Nobody enjoys just giving without getting anything back.

[Alex Bragi]

...

If they aren't satisfying each other sexually, then what is he doing there? What other possible need could she fulfil? Money, an apartment, company...?

Well, since this man I'm referring to freely admitted to masturbating (alone) and that he's rarely sexually aroused during said dominantion, I got to thinking that in his case, and maybe others too, the want/need for domination could be considered separate to the want/need for sex.

Another interesting example is the case cited (above) by candence.