i think it might also help the discussion to clarify BDSM...

as i understand it theres the BD (bondage and discipline- tied up or put in the corner for being naghty etc) SM (sadism and masochism- whips and pain etc) and the often overlooked D/s (dominance and submission- one person exerting control over the other etc). they can be mixed in combinations or taken completely seperately, all with different effect.

it seems to me that people mix and match as they please and often include engaging in sexal contact but not always.

as for the sexual feelings.. well, i have heard of rare D/s relationships without even particular sexual feelings or attractions- i ran into a girl once who felt fulfilled in a D/s way by devoting her heart and soul to being the perfect assistant to her boss at work. she turned it around into a D/s thing in her own mind by making it an ongoing service she did for him with total devotion. i gather she wasnt interested in him in a sexual way and i think sex would have ruined it for her (though i dont recall discussing it with her in depth or anything). my impression was that she felt fulfilled by being pleasing, by being of service to him and to his important work. she did extra work off the clock without pay and doing everything she could for him was her life's focus. the paycheck was immaterial.

also i should say im not sure he even knew, so that might kick it out of the "relationship" category but i thought it might be interesting example for the discussion anyway *smile*. i think she might have said he was catching on ... perhaps i saw her asking how to handle that or something, i dont recall *shrug*... but i would think they could easily have had the same arrangement if he knew. hmmph.. well there it is anyway *smile*