How to find a master?

[lily27]

I see a lot of different sides to this issue. Living in the same area as gem, I understand her point. I think there are kinky people everywhere, no matter how conservative the general population is (and yes, Alberta is very conservative), but you need a certain amount of population density before you can reach a critical mass.

I don't think that people who aren't Canadian, or who have never travelled to Canada understand just how spread out our population is. We have about 1.5 times the land mass of the US (roughly, off the top of my head... feel free to actually look it up and correct me) and only 1/10th of the population. "Major centres" are relatively few, and extremely far between.... and although we consider the likes of Toronto and Vancouver to be huge metropolises, they pale in comparison to the size of other major cities in the US and around the world.

So when you are trying to seek out people with a specific interest, no matter what that interest may be, (BDSM, model train collecting, juggling enthusiasts) it can be a difficult chore indeed. And when you do find them, they may not be as knowledgeable, or experienced, or even as interested as you would expect. When it comes to a group setting, if you don't have great people leading the charge, the group tends to become sub-standard.

When I was living in a smaller city I considered going to the local munch... however the only group in town met at a restaurant where I had a professional relationship with the owners (who were always there). I really didn't feel like mixing business with kink, so I never went. Using a kink-specific dating site was the only thing that made sense at the time. Of course I could get "dates" but I was really tired of dating vanilla men and was tired of wasting time there. It is of no suprise that when I met Master, we were living three hours apart.

Since we have moved we have thought about going to local munches, but there has always seemed to be something else happening that prevented us from getting there. I would love to have a couple of r/l kinky friends, not for play, but just to understand the nature of our relationship and where we are coming from. It might work out eventually, but it hasn't been a huge priority as of late.

[gemmy]

I see a lot of different sides to this issue. Living in the same area as gem, I understand her point. I think there are kinky people everywhere, no matter how conservative the general population is (and yes, Alberta is very conservative), but you need a certain amount of population density before you can reach a critical mass.

I don't think that people who aren't Canadian, or who have never travelled to Canada understand just how spread out our population is. We have about 1.5 times the land mass of the US (roughly, off the top of my head... feel free to actually look it up and correct me) and only 1/10th of the population. "Major centres" are relatively few, and extremely far between.... and although we consider the likes of Toronto and Vancouver to be huge metropolises, they pale in comparison to the size of other major cities in the US and around the world.

So when you are trying to seek out people with a specific interest, no matter what that interest may be, (BDSM, model train collecting, juggling enthusiasts) it can be a difficult chore indeed. And when you do find them, they may not be as knowledgeable, or experienced, or even as interested as you would expect. When it comes to a group setting, if you don't have great people leading the charge, the group tends to become sub-standard.

When I was living in a smaller city I considered going to the local munch... however the only group in town met at a restaurant where I had a professional relationship with the owners (who were always there). I really didn't feel like mixing business with kink, so I never went. Using a kink-specific dating site was the only thing that made sense at the time. Of course I could get "dates" but I was really tired of dating vanilla men and was tired of wasting time there. It is of no suprise that when I met Master, we were living three hours apart.

Since we have moved we have thought about going to local munches, but there has always seemed to be something else happening that prevented us from getting there. I would love to have a couple of r/l kinky friends, not for play, but just to understand the nature of our relationship and where we are coming from. It might work out eventually, but it hasn't been a huge priority as of late.

Great point lily, thank you!

[Guest011909]

Thank you everyone for all the great responses.

I have been to one munch....the one that is meets closest to where I live. It was entirely made of older overweight people. Now, before anyone slams me...let me say that I don't think people who are overweight are "bad" or less deserving. Actually, I happen to be lucky to have good metabolism...because my eating habits are terrible! Anyway, I'm just not usually attracted to people who are overweight. I also thought it was strange that everyone there was so alike. In any case, I did stay the one night I went, and I had some good conversation. So I was glad I went.

I am not into public play and - I forget who said it - but someone did mention something about people who were at munches being more public about it...or something along those lines. I have kind of conflicting reactions to people who bring the lifestyle out into the public sphere...I think it is very cool that people are evolved enough to accept it in themselves and to be who they are...on the otherhand, it's just not as sexy to me out in the open! It almost seems kind of clinical.

I have been a few times to a bdsm club here in Chicago and I met some very interesting, good people.

My problem with meeting people online has been that so many people are not who they say they are. Also, probably more than that, there are a lot of guys who claim to be into the lifestyle, but who are just looking for some easy, kinky sex. And they're often the same ones who talk about how all the other guys are the ones out there looking for easy, kinky sex!

Anyway, thank you to everyone for your thoughtful responses.

Cheers!

[Tojo]

"Santas" is what my friend on the West Coast calls them- the guys who frequent munches, & those dating sites like collarme etc.

However, there's exceptions to every rule- what's the odds of finding your future wife moving in next door, as mine did??