When is fantasy better left fantasy?

[gagged_Louise]

lol i was going to say that in my op but then i realised it didnt apply to me...whenever my mum gave me the 'nice girls dont do that' lectures i knew it must be something pretty damn good and i just went ahead and did it lol

Very good point. And what mothers sometimes don't understand (for both sons and daughters), you need the space to make your own mistakes and learn from those, without having those mistakes (or points when it nearly went wrong) flung in your face by Mom over and over years later. The idea that things are only worth doing if you do them perfectly right the first time is destructive.

[Tojo]

Seems to me it's something for the individual to decide the 'how far to go' question- the answers can vary from time to time, depending on where you're at & how um.... excited you are in the moment

As for the shame, well you'd have to be pretty good to look past all the voices saying 'It's wrong' 'Sex is dirty' etc etc.

How many of us were caught masturbating by Mum or Dad & had them say 'Sorry to disturb you, I'll knock next time?'

I'll bet if I'd told my parents my fantasies about tying my PE teacher to the hockey goal posts they'd have been less than encouraging....

[Tufty]

I'll bet if I'd told my parents my fantasies about tying my PE teacher to the hockey goal posts they'd have been less than encouraging....

LMAO...ROFL

[icey]

.

How many of us were caught masturbating by Mum or Dad & had them say 'Sorry to disturb you, I'll knock next time?'

lol quite a few times! but mostly when experimenting with other kids, and was told i was a 'slag' which sounds awful relating it but my mum was never nasty and never name called me before, she's a bit of a prude and was probably shocked and worried ..she'd caught me in bed naked covered in vicks with my 8 yr old 'b/friend' lol i was 8 too! and would grow up a 'dirty lesbian' (that was when she caught me simulating sex with another girl in my dads car aound the same age lol)

tbh being caught and getting in trouble always gave me a thrill! maybe thats why i dont feel ashamed of any fantasys i have,and am happy and enjoy bringing them into reality except the ones which wouldnt be physically or practically possible or would leave me for dead lol id been caught out many times and other than a few telling offs and punishments there were no real consequences maybe i took it in my mind to mean that it wasnt bad dirty or wrong...just a thought.

[ObjectivistActivist]

I think the more important question than "when is a fantasy too much for reality" is why do you feel shame at your fantasies? What about them is shameful to you, and why do you accept that that aspect of them is wrong?

You touched on the core issue with your comment about "social programming," and "getting past it." Once you've determined what it is about your fantasies that's making you feel shame, then you can examine your premises and decide whether that shame is a valid feeling or not based on your values. If it isn't, then you'd have to work at changing yourself to reject those premises you've accepted in the past that are leading you to feel shame.

Now, all that being said, is it the shame that attracts you to the fantasy in the first place? Do you enter it knowing that when you're done, you'll feel shame? If so, then that's a different matter entirely. Perhaps once you stopped feeling shame for the fantasy, you'd not find it as enjoyable.