When is fantasy better left fantasy?

[jeanne]

lol ok I totally get the whole legal vs illegal argument and the 'if it hurts someone' theory - not one of my fantasies are nearly that dark or that illegal - I'm just saying, some fantasies fuel your fire so hard, get you there in lightening speed but once you've had an orgasm, it's like hitting sub-drop; shame, guilt, remorse at having thought those things.

Now, "those things" can be any level for anyone (nothing illegal or hurtful to anyone), it's the end result (shame) that had me asking whether that may just be a sign to tell you never to act on that particular fantasy is all.

It may be that the fantasy itself is a bit much for reality. But here's what I do with those fantasies that are a little too much...I look at them for common threads and things that can be done in reality. For example, if I have a couple of particularly intense fantasies involving extreme humiliation, I can recognize that humiliation is a turn-on for me, and when the opportunity to gently begin exploring that in reality appears, I'm ready to see what happens. I've gained some self-knowledge, and with a willing partner can explore that particular desire safely.

As for the shame - I'm with others on that. Societal programming can do a number on us.

[gemmy]

It may be that the fantasy itself is a bit much for reality. But here's what I do with those fantasies that are a little too much...I look at them for common threads and things that can be done in reality. For example, if I have a couple of particularly intense fantasies involving extreme humiliation, I can recognize that humiliation is a turn-on for me, and when the opportunity to gently begin exploring that in reality appears, I'm ready to see what happens. I've gained some self-knowledge, and with a willing partner can explore that particular desire safely.

As for the shame - I'm with others on that. Societal programming can do a number on us.

Thank you jeanne (good to see your posts again - missed having you around hun)

I will have to figure out in my head what makes me feel like that I suppose and see if I can draw the same lines as you mention