Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide

Titles: Why are people in BDSM so focused on titles? Are we really so insecure as to HAVE to be called Master or Sir all the time? I understand that it is probably a sign of discipline and control that we have our submissives call us by our suggested title, but do we have to be so fixated on them that we require EVERY submissive to call us Sir? or Master? Do people feel the need to exert their will over every submissive everywhere? or is it, perhaps, just a matter of ego?
Oh I love this already! Yes.

I've always had a hard time having to refer to other people with such honorifics and if ever I was in some forum that demanded it, I left. I give my loyalty and respect only to those that have earned it. I do not confer that automatically to others whom I don't know.

And yes, _some_ people want something for nothing, want the unearned. A 'true' Master/Dom/Whatever doesn't have demand submission from anyone.


Other Titles: How many of us have been to chat rooms and seen submissives call their doms or masters "My Lord" or "Milord" or some other equally outdated term? Thoes terms were reserved for peasants in the dark ages referring to their King, Duke, or other leader/landowner. The last I noticed, we moved out of the Dark Ages and into a more "civilized" time. If you believe that sort of thing. We no longer have a King, we don't have Dukes, we have landlords and landowners, but I don't think we call them Lords anymore. So, knock it off, will you?
Awwww! You're so unromantic! *grin*

I find those titles appealing during a role play session for sure. It immediately sets a mood that hearkens back to the days when Men were indeed King of their own castles. Men have been so emasculated by our culture that I find the sparing use of these honorics kind of nice -- but in certain applications only. I often tease my husband by calling him Lord and Master but even as I tease him about that, I do acknowledge that he is at least king of the castle when he comes home. *grin*


Gifts and Essences: [...] The truth is: Relationships, by their very nature, are contractual agreements between two people. It doesn't matter if you're in a vanilla relationship, a marriage, or a BDSM relationship, you enter into a contract, a mutually beneficial exchange between two parties where compensations is expected. The fact of the matter is that you're not getting gifts, you're in a relationship. It is what it is, there's no need to sugar-coat it.
I have to agree here. Completely, and it is refreshing to find someone else that understands this aspect about the relationship!


I have also seen many submissives say that "eveything they are is because of their master." I find sentences like these to be disturbing to the point of psychotic megalomania.[...]
The sheer enormity of the ego from the dominant and the lack of self-respect from the submissive in statements like these are disturbing. To say that someone is responsible for everything you are shows such a lack of self-respect that I would be concerned for anyone's well-being that said them.
I cannot agree more! Yet, I don't view this as totally negative in some cases. In today's culture, there are a lot of very emotionally damaged people and sometimes, a lot of healing can be brought about through a strong relationship based on dominance and submission. Now, the dominant partner cannot 'cure' the submissive partner by ordering it, but the submissive can gain strength and self-respect via the loving guidance of a dominant that understands what he is getting into. But it is about a give and take relationship where both partners are driven to explore themselves and move forward in a positive way. Sadly, I don't see it happen that often, or they just never spent time on any forum I was on at the time, which is very likely. LOL!

Great article!

Pooka