hang in there pettobecaged, the advice they are giving u is exactly what i could have used when i ran amok looking for a dom a few yrs ago, it would have saved me a lot of pain and savagry if i had had some ppl like these to advise me then,,

as for good and bad dom/dommes, i generally find its kinda like shoes,, some fit some dont, and some look great in the store window but hurt like hell to walk in, so above all take your time in finding the one thats a comfortable right fit for u