I have just approved our first student for the new term:

Dear Ed Master

Please accept this letter as my formal application to be admitted to
Slothlands Academy

I am no doubt older than several of your other potential students but I
believe I can bring some experience with me, years ago I did in fact
discover the meaning of life, unfortunately I forgot to write it down.

I am currently studying at the School of Life, but the subjects I am
developing an interest in, are not on the curriculum. These being-
Physical Education, including ropes, horses,cartwheels, floor exercises,
Corporal punishment, chat room etiquette, the role of the sub in Society and of course subservience classes.

I have taken several exams, psychometric testing including, however these
all proved inconclusive. I have however managed to pass one test and this
was related to personality.

A little about me

I can tread water for 2 days in a row
I play the triangle
I participate in full contact sports such as origami
I am in expert in suduko;
A veteran in needlework;
An outlaw according to Mrs Tiggiewinkle as I once ran over a hedgehog
On the last day of every week I replace batteries in several hand held
devices which I own
I have the ability to negotiate with terrorists if they threaten to
raid my supply of white chocolate

If needed I can produce a psychologists or is that psychiatrists report and
am willing to undergo any further assessments you deem necessary. I also
undertake to be bound by your decision

I look forward to showing my appreciation in some way, decided by yourself
of course.

Yours in a very skimpy school uniform

suchaminx

APPROVED