Slothlands Academy for Girls
The Old School House
Birchingem

Headmaster: Edmund Master P(erve) Hons.


MEMO TO: MR TED STOAT.

Mr Stoat,

I have in my possession a diary that I believe belongs to you.

I have glanced through it and I have to register my deep disappointment with your behaviour. Your conduct with Miss Gonzales is STOATALLY UNACCEPTABLE.

I have impressed on you before that extra-curricular activities are to be fully-documented on CCTV and your choice of Slothlands playing field WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!

On a milder matter, the new CCTV cameras I ordered have arrived. Please install them on the masts overlooking the Slothlands playing fields at your earliest convenience.

By the way, that new barmaid at “The Gilded Ostrich” has asked me to tell you that she is anxious to get her hands on your pump handle as she has heard that your equipment produces a good, thick head. It was jolly good of you to offer to install it for her

Ed Master.