Slothlands Academy

[Uncle_Ed]

As eric's mother, I just wish to establish whether you are proposing that the Cameron Diaz picture is dunked or eric is dunked. I am concerned about eric developing a taste for sweet ice cream at such an early age, particularly since I am currently refining his tastes in salty water.

I feel sure that Qmoq's tastes, peculiar as they are, would not extend to dunking haddock in vanilla ice cream. Cameron Diaz on the other hand would as equally delicious as on the first hand. The chances of either of us getting her in that position are unlikely.

Ed Master (perveted Head and Father-of-fish)

[Uncle_Ed]

Headmaster's personal log.


Slothlands is a go! I must admit to these pages that I had some serious misgivings when I read the reports on the girls who have applied to the Academy. Some of them haven't done a scrap of work in their entire schoolastic career to date; some have been arrested for being drunk and disorderly; one had a sordid affair with that minister-you know who! Him with the squint and large holding somewhere in his trousers. There's even a police report linking one of them with the infamous "Golden syrup and The ArchBishop" fiasco!

Those girls are,of course, exactly what I expected. It's those damned little swots I hate. All "yes, Sir; No, Sir". They're no bloody good! I want to get my cane worn in before half-term! I don't want them to turn up for class in perfect uniforms! I want them to be disrespectful and arguementative-like that cariad! I've got my eye on that one! Miss "I'm a placid swan!" Ha! Furious paddling she wants-furious paddling she gets!

And that Suchaminx! "I'm a sweet angel!" with an "innocent look"! Who the hell is she kidding? I've seen the way she looks at squiffington-Up-His-Own-Arse Smythe! He doesn't notice-he's still watching old re-runs of "Blue Peter" and I suspect gets hard at the mere mention of Valerie Singleton.

Then there's jennyfer. Dark horse...black as midnight! She claims to juggle! Well, she'd better keep her hands off my balls while Fanny's around otherwise she'll be served for Sunday dinner-plucked and stuffed!

Now, I have an unknown arriving! chattel69! I do like the sound of the 69 bit. Must be a linguist of some kind... Says she likes sports. Don't we all! *note to self* check her out on vaulting horse with Stoat and Gonzales.

Right. Have an appointment with old mate JD.

Ed Master.

[Uncle_Ed]

Hello log! (Thinks, must get this flush fixed)

Well, not much to report as yet. The buildings are still standing so I suppose that is a good start. No sign of the little dears yet, but as term hasn't commenced again-no surprise. Looks as though I'm going to have problems with seababy...no official application. Hmm-will have to give her "private interview"...long one.

Fanny has kitchen in order and is happily running around in her apron...nothing else, just an apron. I do like the big bow at the back! Shows off her cute little ass. Asked me if I wanted to dip my finger? As nothing on hob I duly obliged. Sure that doesn't meet health regulations.

Stoat is knocking something up in his workshop. From the squeals I would guess it's Marie. They play happily together for hours by the swimming pool. She can hold her breath for a long time. As she's mostly strapped into the ducking stool thats just as well-I'll never find another teacher at short notice.

Frump is muttering dire threats to anything that moves. I should not have hidden her gin. But she does get so violent after the fourth bottle! I well remember that Croation wrestler she picked up. Picked up, swung around and almost killed. He said he wasn't used to homicidal grannies...

Oh well- JD is calling.

[Uncle_Ed]

Ok-opening day nearly upon me! Have told girls to give me report on first impressions. They're such a lazy bunch that I'll probably have to beat it out of them. Now I know why I opened this place!

I do hope that they enjoy their time here...it's supposed to prepare them for life! Probably ruin them for ever! They'll never be able to sit for very long, that's for certain. *Note to self* Contact inflatable cushion suppliers for best rates.

Fanny is still clearing out kitchen. With hindsight I suppose stripping the Academy tractor engine in there wasn't my brightest idea ever...

Oh well..

[Uncle_Ed]

Damn! One of them has done her assignment! I'll have to keep an eye on her-may turn out to be a bigger handful than I at first thought!

Still, I could always look for spelling mistakes...



B*******, the details of the Academy said nothing of cobbles!! How I am
supposed to walk and on them in these regulation school shoes with the 6inch heels ANDDDDDDDDDD carry my case.

Guess nothing for it than to try, could see these figures by the door, but
none of them came to help, think they were laughing at me trying to walk on
tip toes (as if the heels weren't already doing that!). Got half way and had
to stop, think they could see me now so I flashed......................my
biggest smile and this guy came over, dressed in dungarees.....and took my
case from my hand,

What a gent I thought he is going to carry it for me, but no picked me up
instead, not quite sure he needed to have his hands quite so firmly attached
to my bum or his eyes so firmly attached to my chest, surprised he could see
where he was going!

My eyes were firmly fixed on my case, hope it wasn't going to be left in the
sun too long - it has my terms supply of white chocolate in it, can you
imagine melted white chocolate over everything, mmmmmmmmmmmm guess you can.
Jolt myself back from this particular dream as I am put down face to face
with another guy.......

Think he must be important, he has a big black cape on, a funny looking
square thing on his head, but guess he is the most important because of the
cane he has in his hand, wonder if he went to school to learn how to keep
tapping it in his hand like that.

I then think back to staff and guess this must be the Chief Perve,think it
is the dinner lady next to him (her apron is a bit of a clue), can't wait to
taste Fanny

whoops meant Fanny's cooking!!

then the But Not guy (his name is far too long to remember),the old lady
with the bum - whoops bun must be Matron. Guess Speedy and Sleezy
(Marie and Ted) are off being sleezy and speedy.

Doesn't look any of my fellow pupils are here yet, what a shame, guess I
will be the focus of attention................

Focus of attention indeed. My study. 5:00 pm.