yeah, it never goes away, no matter how you try and shake it out of your head. i really did begin to believe the things that were said to me...and we do tend to try and ignore the fact that it is really abuse. Those of us who go through it always think that the physical abuse is much worse, but i know that my ex husband's physical abuse is much less of a stinging memory than my ex boyfriend's emotional abuse. the emotional is still with me. the physical can be placed in the past, for the most part. i remember every scathing word, and it rolls through my mind all on it's own. i have no control over my thoughts in this respect, it just creeps in and snatches me and i go down into myself and feel very afraid to come out, barely able to hear Master when he pays me a complement...and for the longest time i simply didn't believe it. Not that i thought he was lying, but like he had a good imagination. i remember one time when he told me that i was pretty, i said, "Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?"

Sorry to go off like that...


it hurts for years and it hurts my Master to see me go through it and to go through it with me.

xxx