Originally posted by stripedangel:
and i often wonder if they're not victims themselves
That is often true, or they are extremely insecure and try to cover it up at another's expense.

Still, an abused person MUST remember, this does not excuse an abusers behavior. It is still reprehensible and should be condemned. There is a danger in making allowances for any abusive behavior, we will often turn the blame back on ourselves. It is not our fault, and never was. Anything you do or say is not worthy of a lifetime of beatings or emotional assault.

Look how many people there are in this world who were abused and did not become abusive themselves. There is no excuse.

Originally posted by Kuskovian:
patience and understanding are "key"
There is so much here that I wish I said but didn't know how to put it into words. Thanks for saying it.

What you said about therapy is also important.

If anyone reading this has been abused and needs help and has had a hard time finding a therapist to take your lifestyle seriously go online and google "bdsm friendly therapist" you will get a listing of therapists sympathetic to kink. Or try this link: http://www.polychromatic.com/pfp/psych.html