Expressing Love...Hmm What's That?

[TomOfSweden]

I think there's a real danger in seeing love as something noble and giving. The danger is in that we might think we're entitled to something because we've shown our love. We might think that we're actually giving something that is valuable to the target. That's just setting yourself up for disappointment.

I hear people saying all the time that pure love is a "selfless act". No, it isn't, its just that the person saying that has worked through half the rational but stopped before seeing where it ends.

Expressing love is like any self gratifying act. It's all about you.

Understanding that the target of our love doesn't owe us anything, and that it is only our own wish that our love is reciprocated is very healthy. It's quite understandable that we would want those who we love to feel compelled to return the expression of love. None of us wants our love to be wasted on people who doesn't appreciate or return it. But that really doesn't mean that that it still isn't just about you and what's going on in your own head. That fact that you love somebody doesn't necessarily mean they've gained anything they would value. And expressions of love they don't count as expressions of love, aren't for them, no matter how strongly you might feel they are.

I'm not devaluing love. I think its a beautiful and wonderful thing, or I wouldn't have bought my wife that large bouquet of flowers. I love it when my love is received by her and it makes her happy. But I'm very well aware that giving her the flowers was a selfish act on my part and it does not make me entitled to anything from her. I would be happy if she would feel the same way about me, (and I'm pretty convinced that she does, oooh my sweetest of snuggle muffins) but that in turn would only be about her. I wouldn't feel any pressure to to act in some special way.

We all know the feeling when we give somebody a gift they don't appreciate. They feel the need to act like they do, just to make us happy about the giving, ie expressing love.

Anyway, I felt the need to explain my earlier post some more. I wouldn't like to come across like some bitter old love-hating miser. Love is great and wonderful, but its all ultimately selfish.

Love you all, kisses and hugs.