Quote Originally Posted by Warbaby1943
The giveaway signs may just always have to be very obvious, I really don't know.
Late to the party, I know, with apologies ... but my guess is that it would be just the opposite. The folk I know in the lifestyle when out and in "mixed company" are very subtle. Of course, going to a public scene and dressed in fetish wear is an entirely other thing.

But, for example, let me use Tom/Julia as an example, married and in the life over 15 years together and leaders in the BDSM community. At a "mixed party" she may sit at his feet -- but that's not so odd because there are never enough chairs to go around, or people may just choose to indulge in being near their mate, right? She serves him and, after 15 years, anticipates his every need or desire. Sometimes their eyes meet. Each time she does something, he smiles at her proudly, sometimes touches her head or shoulder, whispers once or twice.

Others think, from comments I've heard in other contexts, that they are very close, he is grateful and gracious, she "spoils" him, and no one comments on how she follows him in or out of a room, or the party, head down -- though she is, in business, a fairly powerful woman in the local community. I'm sure everyone would be "shocked" to find out that he is a Master and a mentor in the single tail society and that they often demonstrate different scenes for BDSM audiences.

I have a game I play when I (frequently) travel -- I like to watch people to see if I can locate people who may be in the lifestyle. What I watch is their eyes to see who would thrive beneath the whip or handling it. Of course I have no way to know if I'm right or wrong, but I don't think of clothing or overt body language as much of a signpost.

Did I add something? HOpe so.

hJ