My journey into the lifestyle started during my first marriage. I was as nilla as you can get! She was verbally abusive, as well as extremely overbearing and controlling. Without calling it was it was, but as I look back on it now, I know it was an unhealthy Ds relationship, it just didn't have any labels. I figured out that I was unhappy in that relationship, and withdrew, both emotionally as well as socially. In my internal exploration I figured out that I didn't enjoy being controlled, and wanted a relationship that would give me the control, rather than the other way around.

So began my search for someone who would enjoy that kind of relationship. I didn't know what to call it, or where to look. It was while looking through some porn that I found a link to ALT, and upon finding that I discovered the true nature of the kind of people I wanted to be around. I spent about 2 years in this status, and eventually found my first submissive. Many of you know her on this site as Karin.

Unfortunately she wasn't what she claimed, and the relationship deteriorated and ended badly. However I was able to learn a few things from that ordeal. I learned more self control, I learned how to control another, how to truly mold a submissive, I learned how to be who it was I was wanting to be.

I've now been doing this for actively for 6 years, and have had several short experiences with other submissives. Enough to have realized what I do and don't want from a sub, as well as how to effectively communicate what is and isn't okay for me, and how to get my sub to communicate what is, and isn't okay for them (a key point I might add).

My current sub and I have found some great similarities in kinks that we both enjoy, as well as limits that we both have. There is enough differences between us to keep things interesting, but enough common interests to allow us to enjoy our time together immensely.

I am at the point now in my life, as well as in my exploration of self that I realize from an early age I have always been a bit of a sadist, as well as have had issues taking direction from others (funny how I am in the military... talk about taking direction!). Anyways, from an early age I had found great enjoyment in tormenting animals or people in some sort of form or another. I've needed to be the person in control of my own self since I was an early teen, and understanding that helps me to understand why I was so unhappy in my first marriage. It also helps me understand why I so enjoy the sight of my girl tied up whimpering in complete enjoyment as I do to her what I desire to do.