I have to agree with gem on this one. It's a "for me" thing. And like Daes says, without love I would not be able to give him all of me. Anything else to me, I think, would be nothing more than scening or role playing.

However, not everyone is concerned with that and some just wanna play and have fun so, like thrall said, it depends on the couple involved. And as long as both parties agree, there is no right or wrong.

But, you yourself said "1) I have had BDSM relationships that were intense but we were not in love and 2) I don't believe love and BDSM necessarrily have to be linked in order for a good BDSM realationship to exist and last. "Had" being past tense, I'm assuming the relationship didn't "last." So maybe you answered your own question. *smiles*