victims of abuse support for submissives

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by Synfall:
I have not yet chosen to be amazing, but perhaps I will one day be able to join you all.

But you have just joined us. You don't have to relate your whole story with your first or second post. Come and participate. When you are ready, share. And only share what you are comfortable with.

Originally posted by Dea Menrfa:
I have so much to say, and yet can find no words for what I feel, and all of the emotions that have been brought up by those of you with strangely similar histories.

That is a very familiar event. One that still happens to me. I hope you can find some help here, and eventually some peace.

[Dea Menrfa]

Thank you ashtonDs

[Rowen]

What all of the survivors here are doing in this thread is amazing and so is everyone else who's been involved so far.
I have not yet chosen to be amazing, but perhaps I will one day be able to join you all.
*curls up in a corner and snuggles down contentedly*

For you as well..we'll keep that fuzzy blanket within reach...don't feel obliged, feel safe..

[Dea Menrfa]

I would like to mention another severe form of abuse... it is spiritual abuse.

People who manipulate others and blame it on God's will.

I could go on and on about this... as it was a rather large portion of my abuse experiences.

Not only does this interfere with our ability to grow as an individual, but also can inhibit our relationship with God. (not meant to be religiously exclusive, but don't know what other higher powers the readers of this post may have)

[denuseri]

my abuser used to catch me praying for release and taunt me about it, telling me how there is no god that can save me, that i would never be realsed from anything until i was dead and only he would decide when and how that would happen, etc etc, i even started praying to die at one point, i like to think i kept my faith throught the experience, i know i surley stumbled, all people do, we are by no means perfect

the fact that i am still here today was a great sign that some higher power was watching over me in my mind, i have my own beliefs, i dont pretend my way is better than any others, belief in a diety is a very personal journey,

i also abhor people that use thier religion as an excuse to abuse another person, it is to me perhaps one of the greatest sins against ones diety to take and twist what ones god/ or goddess stands for into somthing malignant and evil;

huggs and be strong my sistas, and bros, we are not alone

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by Dea Menrfa:
another severe form of abuse... it is spiritual abuse. People who manipulate others and blame it on God's will.

I was abused by a nun, supposedly one of God's representatives on earth, supposedly doing God's work. Just because someone claims to be working for God does not mean that they cannot be abusers and it does not excuse their behavior.

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

I know that one of the signs of an abuser is when he uses isolation to keep you under his control. I was certainly kept in isolation of family and friends and even the law, because we didn't have a phone in the house. Another way he isolated me was that he did his best to isolate me from my religion. I am a Pagan and he was an atheist and he was the type of atheist who felt that any type of religious/spiritual expression/practice was wrong. In the beginning of our marriage he was fine with the fact that I was Pagan and it didn't bother him that I practiced my religion. But as he became more abusive the more he disliked my religious leanings. At one point I was working in a New Age shop and he accused me of being brainwashed by my co-workers and customers.

As the situation at home became worse I went through my dark night of the soul. Interestingly enough this occurred over one Easter weekend where I sat on my bed for three days and nights and cried. Then I attempted suicide. The Goddess came to me during that time and would not let me die. She made me realize that I was still Her child, despite everything that was happening to me. I instinctively knew that if I survived that there was still more pain and torment for me to go through and I didn't know if I would have the strength to get through this. All I wanted was to die. But the Goddess enfolding me within Her arms and I survived. And I gradually gained the strength to end my marriage and get away from my abuser.

Every day since then I have given thanks to the Goddess for watching over and protecting Her child and for giving me the strength to continue living. She knew that I would move beyond what was happening to me. She had faith in me, which strengthened my faith in Her.

[Synfall]

For you as well..we'll keep that fuzzy blanket within reach...don't feel obliged, feel safe..

Thank you Rowen

But you have just joined us. You don't have to relate your whole story with your first or second post. Come and participate. When you are ready, share. And only share what you are comfortable with.

And thank you as well, ashtonDs

You guys are all very sweet.
Actually I'm fairly comfortable with sharing my story, though. It's what I percieve as my resulting weaknesses that I have trouble dealing with. I know I'm probably not as weak as I feel about myself, but understanding and believing, truly believing, are completely different things.

My father was abusive when I was younger, and nearly killed us on several occasions before my mother ran away with us and filed for a divorce. Then we lived with her parents for a while. I would like to say that that they are nice people. Actually they are, but they are also very cruel in their own way. They never raised a hand to any of us, but they, my grandmother in particular, have a way of making their words feel like invisible razor blades that dance under your skin, even years after the fact. And yes, they too used their religion as an excuse to attack us and our decisions over the years.

I've never understood why it's so much harder to escape abuse that's delivered under the guise of meaning well. I guess when the people in question aren't trying to physically harm you it's harder to hold their actions up to past experience and say, this is just as bad as that. Maybe it's just the fact that physical abuse leaves a visible mark and is harder to hide.

The worst part about it is I learned a number of reactive behaviors when I was very young and never questioned whether or not I should behave that way until very much later. Even now I don't always recognize abuse the instant it's happening or know how to make it stop if I do recognize it. Sometimes wonder if there isn't something about those behaviors that make people target me over some of the people around me without ever thinking about it because they sense my unfortunate willingness to tolerate beyond what I should?

I have had several times where my (boss/ coworkers/ customers / teachers) attempted to take advantage of my quiet nature. I know I don't have to take any of their crap. But I also know I can handle anything a (stranger/coworker/boss/teacher) hands out, because they don't know me well enough to know exactly where they have to apply pressure before I break.
I don't know what it will take to hurt them, and am unwilling to lash out to find out, especially since I know so well how an abusive remark, even in retaliation, can have long term effects.
Still, it gets frustrating, and tiring, always feeling like I'm on the defensive. It makes it very difficult to get close to people, and to trust them.

[claire]

Your instincts are good. Lashing out at others is not always the best response to someone who is taking advantage or abusing us. I just wrote out part of a long response giving advice on how you might handle similar situations, but I realized you weren't asking for advice. You have your own way of handling those situations and who is to say mine would be any better.

It sounds like your grandparents were emotionally abusive, that can be even worse than physical abuse. If they used words and emotions to hurt others, then no they were not nice people. They may have done some kind and generous things for you, but they definitely were not nice.

[Synfall]

It sounds like your grandparents were emotionally abusive, that can be even worse than physical abuse. If they used words and emotions to hurt others, then no they were not nice people. They may have done some kind and generous things for you, but they definitely were not nice.

Maybe I should have clarified. They were nice to everyone else. We have a very strong tendency to act normal around others, so I know they can be nice. As to the rest of the family (primarily my mother and myself), you are right, they are emotionally abusive. I don't think they even realize how dangerous their words are. I'm sure they wouldn't mean to say such things if they truly understood the impact of their words because I know they love us very much. I am very uncomfortable with myself right now because I feel I am making excuses for them and there isn't one. Period. Since I have not been able to make them understand my limits in this regard I try to limit my contact with them as much as possible and when I can't avoid them I limit the conversations to very banal subjects.

I just wrote out part of a long response giving advice on how you might handle similar situations, but I realized you weren't asking for advice. You have your own way of handling those situations and who is to say mine would be any better.

Claire, if you want to go ahead and write down any advice please feel free. It may be different from my own way of dealing, but it can't be any less valid, and we might learn something from it. In fact please do. I would love to learn how other people deal with abuse that doesn't come from family or lover.

Often we think of abusers in terms of people who are closer to us, but there are times when people instinctively seem to know how to hit your weak spot and will attack you, perhaps without even realizing that they are attacking you.
But what people don't always realize is maybe that one last cutting remark they made was the last straw that sends their waitress over the edge to committing suicide that she's been so busy thinking about that she's been giving them lousy service. Maybe she was just trying to cut you down to build herself up so she could hold on a bit longer.
Not really an excuse, but I've just never felt comfortable imagining that I could be the one who could have made a difference for someone and didn't just because I felt justified in being nasty back.

[thrall]

The word you are looking for is......


Emotional Sadists

[Synfall]

I am sure you are right. It's good to have a word for it.
The point is while, yes some people are just naturally bastards, others are simply lashing out because they have been hurt. Regardless of whether or not that can be considered an excuse, it's a cycle of abuse one way or another.
Since I have no way of distinguishing between the two I would rather not be a particpant in the cycle by attacking back. I know that sometime leaves me open to abuse that isn't necessary, but I would rather not hurt unknowingly another person. If I can take it and they don't keep on spreading their 'love' around then as long as it's ended it seems ok.

... It sounds stupid the way I'm explaining it. It doesn't make sense when I try to type it out.

[thrall]

I am sure you are right. It's good to have a word for it.
The point is while, yes some people are just naturally bastards, others are simply lashing out because they have been hurt. Regardless of whether or not that can be considered an excuse, it's a cycle of abuse one way or another.
Since I have no way of distinguishing between the two I would rather not be a particpant in the cycle by attacking back. I know that sometime leaves me open to abuse that isn't necessary, but I would rather not hurt unknowingly another person. If I can take it and they don't keep on spreading their 'love' around then as long as it's ended it seems ok.

... It sounds stupid the way I'm explaining it. It doesn't make sense when I try to type it out.

Big hugs..........oh yes it does make sense!

You are taking responsibility for you own actions. ...BRAVO!

[Rowen]

Maybe I should have clarified. They were nice to everyone else. We have a very strong tendency to act normal around others, so I know they can be nice. As to the rest of the family (primarily my mother and myself), you are right, they are emotionally abusive. I don't think they even realize how dangerous their words are. I'm sure they wouldn't mean to say such things if they truly understood the impact of their words because I know they love us very much. I am very uncomfortable with myself right now because I feel I am making excuses for them and there isn't one. Period. Since I have not been able to make them understand my limits in this regard I try to limit my contact with them as much as possible and when I can't avoid them I limit the conversations to very banal subjects.

.

Synfall, children always want to believe that their parents mean well...since it "wrong" to be angry with them. However, many abusers are respected members of society but tyrants at home! In if they really love you, they sure have peculiar way of showing that, don't you think? If they really love, if they really are interested what is best for you...shouldn't notice that they are hurting you by saying what they say?

[Rowen]

. And yes, they too used their religion as an excuse to attack us and our decisions over the years.

I've never understood why it's so much harder to escape abuse that's delivered under the guise of meaning well. I guess when the people in question aren't trying to physically harm you it's harder to hold their actions up to past experience and say, this is just as bad as that. Maybe it's just the fact that physical abuse leaves a visible mark and is harder to hide.

That is exactly why it so cruel..putting the fear of God in your child..hurting them while telling it is in their best interest, burden them with immense guilt if they even think that its wrong what is happening...that is indeed emotional sadism.

The worst part about it is I learned a number of reactive behaviors .... Sometimes wonder if there isn't something about those behaviors that make people target me over some of the people around me without ever thinking about it because they sense my unfortunate willingness to tolerate beyond what I should?

I have had several times where my (boss/ coworkers/ customers / teachers) attempted to take advantage of my quiet nature. I know I don't have to take any of their crap. But I also know I can handle anything a (stranger/coworker/boss/teacher) hands out, because they don't know me well enough to know exactly where they have to apply pressure before I break.
I don't know what it will take to hurt them, and am unwilling to lash out to find out, especially since I know so well how an abusive remark, even in retaliation, can have long term effects.
Still, it gets frustrating, and tiring, always feeling like I'm on the defensive. It makes it very difficult to get close to people, and to trust them.

You are doing well, you are recognizing patterns, and yes, taking responsibility as well. My compliments for that..and trust me...you are gonna do well...
Because what you describe is perhaps the most devious result of emotional abuse. It imprints behavioiur in you that seems normal and natural to you, but indeed can make you vulnerable, uncertain and neglecting your own needs, feelings. And yes, some people learned otherwise, recognizing those patterns and by that knowing within instant who to lash at..

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by Synfall:
I've never understood why it's so much harder to escape abuse that's delivered under the guise of meaning well. I guess when the people in question aren't trying to physically harm you it's harder to hold their actions up to past experience and say, this is just as bad as that. Maybe it's just the fact that physical abuse leaves a visible mark and is harder to hide.

As you said, "physical abuse leaves a mark." With any type of emotional abuse, but especially that "delivered under the guise of meaning well," the abused person can easily fall into doubt. They think it's their fault, and /or they feel guilty about what is happening, as if it is their own fault.

If there is blood or a mark or an injury it's much easier to see. If the evidence of the abuse is mostly in the abused persons head it's much more difficult.

It took me many years into my adulthood to realize that what happened to me was really abuse. In fact, at first I argued with my therapist against that. Abuse was something that only happened to other people, not to me.

Now that I admitted to myself that I was actually abused, I am recovering. Because I took so long to see that and to get help for it, I feel like I will never be totally free of it. There are some effects that I cannot shake off. But like an alcoholic at an AA meeting, I will make it day by day. Just as you will. You, like everyone here, are a survivor.

Originally posted by Synfall:
others are simply lashing out because they have been hurt. Regardless of whether or not that can be considered an excuse, it's a cycle of abuse one way or another.

But it is not an excuse. Abuse is abuse. There is no excuse. The guilt is theirs not yours. It is good that you do not want to join in the cycle. Even if you can distinguish between the two, you do not have to take part. Playing with the darkness, will get you sucked in.

Originally posted by Synfall:
... It sounds stupid the way I'm explaining it. It doesn't make sense when I try to type it out.

It doesn't. You might think that some of us are so eloquent in our delivery and our storytelling, it's just because right now we have a bit more practice than you do.

Believe me, we understand what you are saying, some of us have gone through exactly that.

[enseignez-moi]

So I've been watching this thread for a while and like most who watch for a while and then share, I realize my time has come to share.

I always thought my want for submission was wrong. That it was some horrible manifestation of my ever-present role of the abused. I know it's a part of me and maybe that is part of it, but it's something I'm coming to terms to dealing with.

I spent my life being verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by my mother. I thought that everyone got hit for being stupid. That bruises were normal. Doesn't everyone hide under the covers, quaking in fear? Apparently not. Like many, the first time the word "abuse" came up in therapy I was appalled. That's not me! That's not how it was! I'm much stronger now and realize that just because I was abused does not make my mom the monster many would paint her to be. She was older when she had me. Older and blind, literally. It does not negate what she did. It wasn't right. But she is human. She made big mistakes. But I have started the process of forgiving her.

Self-abuse and depression are both issues I've been dealing with since the tender age of 12,if not earlier. eleven years later and i'm finally starting to get a handle on it. two years, 8 months self injury free!

and the worst part of it... i was in two abusive relationships. I was raped in both. Several times. I did really well at forgetting and remembering only the good times. Both relationships being with another woman, I was under the belief that it wasn't rape. how could another woman really rape you? Well they can. There are many forms of violation and penetration and in both cases it happened. more than once. I didn't actually piece together the abuse/rape by these two woman until I met my current partner/Domme. She has her own abuse history and her telling me about what she remembers triggered nightmares and memories long buried.

I was wondering if anyone else shares abuse histories with their Domme and if so, how do you deal with it? BDSM sex is sometimes great, sometimes triggers us both. We work hard to communicate and to let each other know when things are going south, but sometimes one or the other feels stupid and keeps going anyway. We spend hours after dealing with the repercussions, trying to work through it. It's sex therapy in the most literal sense.

[Synfall]

Originally posted by AshtonDs:

It doesn't. You might think that some of us are so eloquent in our delivery and our storytelling, it's just because right now we have a bit more practice than you do.

Believe me, we understand what you are saying, some of us have gone through exactly that.

Perhaps I will practice more then. I have made an appointment with a therapist and I'm going to start sorting through some of my mess. Thank you guys for your encouraging words. I find myself quite upset by some of the habits that I have developed for dealing with my past, but I am trying to evolve new ways of dealing. I'll let you know if anything more productive comes up.I have had counselors when I was younger, but hopefully now that I have words and a better understanding I will be able to get the help that I need.

[Synfall]

Self-abuse and depression are both issues I've been dealing with since the tender age of 12,if not earlier. eleven years later and i'm finally starting to get a handle on it. two years, 8 months self injury free!

First off, Congratulations! It's wonderful that you aren't hurting yourself anymore. Just a little mantra for you if you ever feel the urge in the future...
Just say, "I am not the one causing my problem, so I am not the one who should be bleeding." And smile.

I was wondering if anyone else shares abuse histories with their Domme and if so, how do you deal with it? BDSM sex is sometimes great, sometimes triggers us both. We work hard to communicate and to let each other know when things are going south, but sometimes one or the other feels stupid and keeps going anyway. We spend hours after dealing with the repercussions, trying to work through it. It's sex therapy in the most literal sense.

Having never had a Dom/me yet, please take any suggestions I have with a grain of salt.
Here's something you may try if you haven't done something similar yet. Write down as many experiences as you can remember, good and bad, but use as few words as possible.
You can discuss the list with your Domme, and explain what memory the phrase is referring to and exactly why it was/was not a good experience in detail. I don't mean just visual details, or time periods, but what things that you smelled, textures, sensations, how it made you feel and why you believe you responded so negatively/positively.
Hopefully the fact that you have to actually explain what the memory is and the feelings surrounding it will be enough to help your Domme build scenes that won't create an echoing feeling to any bad memories. And maybe the good memories can inspire your Domme to develop new ideas to build on those things that give you happy feelings.
If you write the list on seperate pages, or in a collumn format you can give your Domme the bad memories to dispose of as she sees fit. Maybe you can even make a picnic out of it, or a ritualistic burning of the bad paper or something.

Did I say grain of salt? I think I meant shaker, lol.

[Rowen]

Perhaps I will practice more then. I have made an appointment with a therapist and I'm going to start sorting through some of my mess. Thank you guys for your encouraging words. I find myself quite upset by some of the habits that I have developed for dealing with my past, but I am trying to evolve new ways of dealing. I'll let you know if anything more productive comes up.I have had counselors when I was younger, but hopefully now that I have words and a better understanding I will be able to get the help that I need.

Synfall, my respect for taking these steps and sharing them. You DO listen, you DO dare to confront yourself and you DO take responsibility. Trust me, those are the most important steps, however difficult they are. Don't hesitate to aks or tell if you feel the need..
You are doing well..and you will be allright...

[Rowen]

I always thought my want for submission was wrong. That it was some horrible manifestation of my ever-present role of the abused. I know it's a part of me and maybe that is part of it, but it's something I'm coming to terms to dealing with.

I cannot tell just how familiair this sounds...then again... can be liberating to experience that some people dont take advantage of you when you have surrendered!

I'm much stronger now and realize that just because I was abused does not make my mom the monster many would paint her to be. She was older when she had me. Older and blind, literally. It does not negate what she did. It wasn't right. But she is human. She made big mistakes. But I have started the process of forgiving her.

Yes. she wasnt a monster but still did monstruos things to you. Still, I admire that you are able to understand, yet realise that understanding it doesn't mean you approve it.

i'm finally starting to get a handle on it. two years, 8 months self injury free!

Awesome - my respect

I didn't actually piece together the abuse/rape by these two woman until I met my current partner/Domme. She has her own abuse history and her telling me about what she remembers triggered nightmares and memories long buried.

I was wondering if anyone else shares abuse histories with their Domme and if so, how do you deal with it? BDSM sex is sometimes great, sometimes triggers us both. We work hard to communicate and to let each other know when things are going south, but sometimes one or the other feels stupid and keeps going anyway. We spend hours after dealing with the repercussions, trying to work through it. It's sex therapy in the most literal sense.

Think you hit the bullseye here: talk. Talk to each other and yes.. it can and will be sex therapy. And it will strengthen and deepen your relationship by giving you both the opportunity to share, to comfort, to heal together. Sounds to me the two of you are doing very well indeed after most diffiuclt years.

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by enseignez-moi:
the first time the word "abuse" came up in therapy I was appalled. That's not me!

The very same thing happened to me in therapy, but unlike you I spent many more years suffering, and hoping no one found out, until I got help.

And keep talking with your Domme. Triggers can be anywhere, it's just that you both have a style of relationship where they are easier to dig up. With time they will fade as you get a handle on them.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Violence can take many forms, some of which don't even seem to be hurtful at the time. Talking about it with a therapist, counselor or friend can help to relieve the heavy burden imposed by carrying deep, dark secrets. When it's no longer a secret you keep hidden even from yourself, only then can you really begin to face the truth and stop being a victim. It's easy to continue being a victim. It's much harder to to take a good, long look at yourself, realize the part you played in it, stop placing all the blame on yourself and/or others, learn from your mistakes, and move on. Believe me, it's easier said than done, especially when those around you keep hurting you unwittingly or on purpose. When you are finally able to recognize when someone is a negative influence, remove them from your life whether they be family or friends. You may find your group of friends to be pitifully small, but never confuse quantity with quality.

I won't bore you with all the gory details since it would involve me writing a book, so I'll give you the short version. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old, supposedly because I was an "accident" that my father didn't want. I finally met him after I turned 18, and since I don't know where he is now, I guess my mother was right. Anyway, my mom remarried, and as soon as she had a child by him, I turned into the proverbial red-headed step-child. He turned out to be a mean drunk, physically and verbally, that my mom didn't protect me from because, apparently, she didn't think there was anything wrong with the way I was treated. In elementary school, I was molested by an older girl in the neighborhood as well as a step-cousin who stayed with us for a year along with his other cousins. By middle school, the boys were pursuing me hot and heavy, and the girls were picking fights with me. I lost my virginity at 14 in a house where teen boys were threatening to run a train on me but didn't. This same boyfriend was physically and verbally abusive. I broke up with him after the umpteenth time he cheated on me. I became quite the little slut, dating older and older guys. At 16, I met my future husband who was 11 years older and got pregnant. I had an abortion which my mother made him pay for even though he wouldn't take off of work to go with me. I married him at 20, thinking he was a good man. He wasn't abusive, per se, but he never believed in me. He was passive-aggressive and left me to deal with problems on my own. Gee...dunno how I could've missed that! Toward the end of the marriage, he did become verbally abusive and told me I'd never make it without him, that I'd wind up alone, and that I'd end up with someone who beat me all the time. (If he only knew! hahaha) He used threats of getting me fired from my job as well as his family's money to scare me into giving him primary guardianship of our son. He forced himself on me the last night I was there, but I didn't fight back. After I left him, I was date-raped by a younger man. When I entered the scene, the first dominant I had a relationship with was a verbal bully who talked down to me and called me a slut in anger, and he was emotionally manipulative. I never felt like I was ever quite good enough for him no matter how I tried. I eventually came to my senses, sort of, and broke up with him, though it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I refused to stay in that situation. I recently lost a "friend" who borrowed money over a year ago and never paid me back. I said good riddance! I don't need people around me who won't treat me with the same respect I show them.

Now, I'm with a new Daddy who doesn't act anything like the old one(s). I'm still a work in progress and don't claim to know all the answers, but it's getting better all the time.

[denuseri]

hugs to all the people posting here, i wish there was no need for this thread to exist, i am continually impressed with the way everyone has come out to support each other

i will continue to keep us all in my prayers

[Rowen]

Flaming redhead (wonderfull name btw), takes guts to post this and power to make the changes you are making. Take good care and stay on track!

[Seri]

I've been debating posting on this forum since I came here, being a guy I find it hard to talk about these kinds of things, however seeing the bravery of every one spilling their hearts made me feel like a coward...I'm not going to go into many details because I'm not yet comfortable with what I'm typing even now, however I do make note that I can relate with you, and thank you for stepping forwards. Perhaps, within time I'll be able to take a stand and share my problems here with the rest of you brave souls. However, at the time, please know that you all have a place within my heart, and I hope every day that you all can recover that much more, untill you've been able to throw off the shackles of the past.

~Mirror

[Synfall]

Violence can take many forms, some of which don't even seem to be hurtful at the time. Talking about it with a therapist, counselor or friend can help to relieve the heavy burden imposed by carrying deep, dark secrets. When it's no longer a secret you keep hidden even from yourself, only then can you really begin to face the truth and stop being a victim. It's easy to continue being a victim. It's much harder to to take a good, long look at yourself, realize the part you played in it, stop placing all the blame on yourself and/or others, learn from your mistakes, and move on. Believe me, it's easier said than done, especially when those around you keep hurting you unwittingly or on purpose. When you are finally able to recognize when someone is a negative influence, remove them from your life whether they be family or friends. You may find your group of friends to be pitifully small, but never confuse quantity with quality.

Hey Flaming_Redhead,
You are quite right, I believe, in recognizing what's wrong, with yourself, and with others and then trying to move past it. It's very brave of you to come and tell us about your past, and to show us that to you it is starting to be just that... past.

Oh yeah, and the friend you lost because they borrowed money that they didn't pay back? I'm sorry you've had that experience, but I hope you don't mind my saying that's probably the best money you will ever have spent, just to be sure that they aren't around anymore.

Good luck, and blessings.

[Synfall]

I've been debating posting on this forum since I came here, being a guy I find it hard to talk about these kinds of things, however seeing the bravery of every one spilling their hearts made me feel like a coward...I'm not going to go into many details because I'm not yet comfortable with what I'm typing even now, however I do make note that I can relate with you, and thank you for stepping forwards. Perhaps, within time I'll be able to take a stand and share my problems here with the rest of you brave souls. However, at the time, please know that you all have a place within my heart, and I hope every day that you all can recover that much more, untill you've been able to throw off the shackles of the past.

~Mirror

Being a guy doesn't make abuse any less real or valid than it does for the females on this thread. Just the fact that you know that what you've experienced is something you've never deserved is a step in the right direction and can only make you stronger in the long run. We are as, Flaming_Redhead put it, works in progress, so your thoughts and hopes are most welcome. Take as long as you need to get comfortable, we'll be here.

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by Mirror:
I've been debating posting on this forum since I came here, being a guy I find it hard to talk about these kinds of things

I know how you feel. I felt the same way for a long time.

But as you begin to get comfortable you will feel more comfortable sharing. And share only as much as you are comfortable with.

We are not interested in making you spill your guts, we are interested in seeing you begin to heal and put a dark time of your life behind you.

[Rowen]

.... however seeing the bravery of every one spilling their hearts made me feel like a coward....... However, at the time, please know that you all have a place within my heart, and I hope every day that you all can recover that much more, untill you've been able to throw off the shackles of the past.

~Mirror

Mirror.. you're no coward. You are here, aren't you? And your time will come. Meanwhile, thanks for that place in your heart. And we are getting rid of those shackles.. sometime by replacing them by new ones.. the loving kind.

................

We are not interested in making you spill your guts, we are interested in seeing you begin to heal and put a dark time of your life behind you.

Exactly! Tis up to you what to tall to whom and when. As long as that helps you to focus on tomorrow.