Need Help

[Sea_Hunter]

frey:
I would be happy to offer advice and comment to help your husband. Just for starters I offer him these bits of wisdom I have learned over the years.
1) Listen. Listen intently to what is said and what is left unsaid.
2) Take control of yourself first, and her second.
3) Don't ask, do. Know enough about your submissive that you no longer need to ask if she is "in the mood" for something. Just do it. Do it unabashadly, and with assurance.
4) In some respects the world is turned upside down. Punishment becomes reward, pleaseing you becomes more important than being pleased herself, for her pleasure comes so much through your pleasure. Learn how to recognize that, and use that for her.
5) It's actually all about her in many ways. This doesn't mean topping from below, it means recognizing her needs and meeting those needs.
6) Adapt. Her needs will evolve, change, over time. Listen to her and spot those changes and accept them. SeaHunter

[Ozme52]

4) In some respects the world is turned upside down. Punishment becomes reward, pleasing you becomes more important than being pleased herself, for her pleasure comes so much through your pleasure. Learn how to recognize that, and use that for her.

All good advice. The part I highlighted is more important than mere words imply because it is implicit in her submission that she is valued for what she can do. Her value, her self esteem, increases thereby.

5) It's actually all about her in many ways. This doesn't mean topping from below, it means recognizing her needs and meeting those needs.

That's touchy... because it is really about the relationship between you and not you or her. Some subs may want to be the center of attention, but in the long run they become disappointed and look for more.

You, as the dominant, provide that "more" by being dominant, in control, and demanding that your needs and pleasure are served.

What does she get out of it you may ask? Got a hobby? How much attention and care do you lavish on your equipment? Do that much for your sub and she'll get plenty out of it... and yet, it will still be all about your needs, your pleasure.