Violence can take many forms, some of which don't even seem to be hurtful at the time. Talking about it with a therapist, counselor or friend can help to relieve the heavy burden imposed by carrying deep, dark secrets. When it's no longer a secret you keep hidden even from yourself, only then can you really begin to face the truth and stop being a victim. It's easy to continue being a victim. It's much harder to to take a good, long look at yourself, realize the part you played in it, stop placing all the blame on yourself and/or others, learn from your mistakes, and move on. Believe me, it's easier said than done, especially when those around you keep hurting you unwittingly or on purpose. When you are finally able to recognize when someone is a negative influence, remove them from your life whether they be family or friends. You may find your group of friends to be pitifully small, but never confuse quantity with quality.

I won't bore you with all the gory details since it would involve me writing a book, so I'll give you the short version. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old, supposedly because I was an "accident" that my father didn't want. I finally met him after I turned 18, and since I don't know where he is now, I guess my mother was right. Anyway, my mom remarried, and as soon as she had a child by him, I turned into the proverbial red-headed step-child. He turned out to be a mean drunk, physically and verbally, that my mom didn't protect me from because, apparently, she didn't think there was anything wrong with the way I was treated. In elementary school, I was molested by an older girl in the neighborhood as well as a step-cousin who stayed with us for a year along with his other cousins. By middle school, the boys were pursuing me hot and heavy, and the girls were picking fights with me. I lost my virginity at 14 in a house where teen boys were threatening to run a train on me but didn't. This same boyfriend was physically and verbally abusive. I broke up with him after the umpteenth time he cheated on me. I became quite the little slut, dating older and older guys. At 16, I met my future husband who was 11 years older and got pregnant. I had an abortion which my mother made him pay for even though he wouldn't take off of work to go with me. I married him at 20, thinking he was a good man. He wasn't abusive, per se, but he never believed in me. He was passive-aggressive and left me to deal with problems on my own. Gee...dunno how I could've missed that! Toward the end of the marriage, he did become verbally abusive and told me I'd never make it without him, that I'd wind up alone, and that I'd end up with someone who beat me all the time. (If he only knew! hahaha) He used threats of getting me fired from my job as well as his family's money to scare me into giving him primary guardianship of our son. He forced himself on me the last night I was there, but I didn't fight back. After I left him, I was date-raped by a younger man. When I entered the scene, the first dominant I had a relationship with was a verbal bully who talked down to me and called me a slut in anger, and he was emotionally manipulative. I never felt like I was ever quite good enough for him no matter how I tried. I eventually came to my senses, sort of, and broke up with him, though it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I refused to stay in that situation. I recently lost a "friend" who borrowed money over a year ago and never paid me back. I said good riddance! I don't need people around me who won't treat me with the same respect I show them.

Now, I'm with a new Daddy who doesn't act anything like the old one(s). I'm still a work in progress and don't claim to know all the answers, but it's getting better all the time.