More from craven "Domming from the bottom or topping from below"

[Ozme52]

I subsequently read replies by craven and rowen.

craven, there is no 'balance of power'. When you submit, you give up your power to the dominant. That doesn't mean you have no input... doesn't mean you can't take your submission back and end the relationship... doesn't mean you abbrogate your rights to have limits, some soft, some hard... but you hand your power over everything within those boundaries, to the dominant. If you believe there is a balance of power, I submit that you are holding back.

rowen, your questions are all valid, and from my perspective, most dom/mes enjoy the things you ask about... room to be playful, to probe and explore the boundaries, to have a personality of your own. BUT... I will point out that whatever you do, regardless of intent, the perception of your dom/me is going to be his/her reality. If he/she sees an act as playful, then you are in sync. If he/she sees it at disobedient or disrespectful, then regardless of your intent, you were disrespectful and there will be consequences. Punishment? I guess that depends on the defintion. Perhaps the consequence is a lecture. Perhaps the end of the scene...

[craven]

Oz, I take on board your points and feel that perhaps we are talking around the same concept if but perhaps using different language. I agree that all control rests with the Dom, or in my case with my Domma, she controls every aspect of our relationship and me.

What I was referring to with regard to the balance of power remaining equal was in relation to the fact as you rightly state that although the Dom(me) is in total control the ability to cease play or even end the relationship is unaffected, both are equally able to do this. A form of MAD (mutually assured destruction) so to speak, both relying upon the other to continue, hence the need to work together and be open and honest.

My post stated that the whilst the balance remained unaltered, as above both being equally responsible for the ongoing success of the relationship the ratio or balance of that power is altered, as the dominant has total control, at no point did I try to state or do I feel that the level of power between my Domma and I is equal, to think such a thing would be detrimental to our relationship, and result in me suffering yet further, all be it deserved punishment. She maintains total control and holds all power, in submitting I have entrusted my power to her, totally.

Thanks for seeking to clarify the post though Oz, I do feel we are in agreement, and hope that having read my reply my Domma agrees !

[Rowen]

rowen, your questions are all valid, and from my perspective, most dom/mes enjoy the things you ask about... room to be playful, to probe and explore the boundaries, to have a personality of your own. BUT... I will point out that whatever you do, regardless of intent, the perception of your dom/me is going to be his/her reality. If he/she sees an act as playful, then you are in sync. If he/she sees it at disobedient or disrespectful, then regardless of your intent, you were disrespectful and there will be consequences. Punishment? I guess that depends on the defintion. Perhaps the consequence is a lecture. Perhaps the end of the scene...

Oz, I am learning that right now, even if I do find that difficult at times, being the stubborn me. Then again, most of the times there is in fact no discussion and in fact I appreciate the correction.

For example: recently during a chat with a (not "my") domme I couldn't resist replying to a post on a forum. Being myself I told her so.
After the chat in our mails she told me that such was disrepectful "because you were not giving me your undivided attention and visited the forum, making me feel as though our conversation was not important"

She was more than right ofcourse and naturally I accepted the task she gave me. In fact, it felt good to make amends that way. And no, won't happen again.(so stop throwing tomatoes right now please)

[dave]

Thank you, craven for starting this lively discussion from which we all have learned something.
The two women you mention in your article are First Class AAA women and i hope you know how lucky you are to have a relationship with them.
I too often have a perceived problem of either trying to control or bragging about my relationships with certain of the very best Dommes here, (so i won't). In fact, i was sent here to look at your letter so that i could learn. Right now i am deeply engaged in learning humillity and as you can see, i still have lots to learn.
Hope to see you in chat soon,
Dave

[craven]

Thanks for you comments Dave, i feel that to be honest all of us are always learning, the dynamic evolves constantly. To say that we know it all or even as much as we need to would be folly.

I only mention one name in my piece however, that of Violett's Vi and I are friends only, she is not my Domma, never has been.

As for my Domma, well those that know me, know who she is and yes I am an extremely fortunate man, she is a very wonderful woman, close friend and Miss.

Thanks again for your thoughts Dave, and yes i hope to see you in chat soon also.

Craven.