Lost and confused?

[Curiouslittleangel14]

So I have new questions.....

1.) If I allow someone to do something to me or for me to fulfill my desires does that mean that I am submitting?

2.)what is it like to be a Dom(me)/ sub and what do they get out of it?

3.)Where is the line between Domme/ sub?

4.)What are the characteristics of being a Dom(me)/ sub?

5.) How do you know if someone is trust worthy to expore these with?

I truly appreciate all responses and support thank you.

[Euryleia]

1.) If I allow someone to do something to me or for me to fulfill my desires does that mean that I am submitting?

You can negotiate the parameters of your submission for a particular scene (say a spanking), or for an hour or an evening, or for life.

2.)what is it like to be a Dom(me)/ sub and what do they get out of it?

You answered this question in your previous question--you get to fulfill your desires. Whether you are on Top or on bottom or switch between the roles, you are enjoying the erotic possibilities.

3.)Where is the line between Domme/ sub?

The line is where you negotiate it to be. Do you only want to do D/s in the bedroom? Do you want the littlest things in your life controlled or to control their lives? You also have to balance with real life--most of us still have to work for a living, deal with family issues, and take care of ourselves in addition to whoever we partner with.

4.)What are the characteristics of being a Dom(me)/ sub?

There are as many ways to Dominate and submit as there are people in the world. It just depends on what floats your boat.

5.) How do you know if someone is trust worthy to expore these with?

You build that trust over time. It doesn't just happen and it does take work. Don't think that you can just turn a switch and you will be a slave or an owner. As you get to know a play partner, each time you can open yourself a little more.


Hope that helps.

[In2kink]

1.) If I allow someone to do something to me or for me to fulfill my desires does that mean that I am submitting?

Certain things push buttons for each of us. Certain activities produce meaningful feelings of submission for submissives. So if you allow someone to do something to you that produce meaningful submissive feelings then yes, that is submitting. Consent is an over arching principle in BDSM, D/s relationships.

2.)what is it like to be a Dom(me)/ sub and what do they get out of it?

I assume that you are asking what does the Dom(me) get out of the interaction. I won’t presume to answer for all dominants because we are all different and unique. For me I enjoy the power exchange, another human being willing giving over to me her freedom of choice in certain areas of her life and behavior. I also find mentoring someone, helping them discover new things about the lifestyle and about themselves rewarding.

3.)Where is the line between Domme/ sub?

The submissive exchanges power with the Dom(me) and in return ideally the Dom(me) provides experiences which allow the submissive to feel controlled and to have submissively significant emotional experiences

4.)What are the characteristics of being a Dom(me)/ sub?

While there may be similarities between dominants and similarities between submissives, given that we are all unique individuals with personal and special perceived needs and wants, it would be difficult to provide a list of characteristics. I think such would be at best a generalization.

5.) How do you know if someone is trust worthy to explore these with?

There is really no difference between BDSM relationships and relationships in general where it comes to the issue of trust and trust building. Trust is a process by which a foundation is laid and then built upon. I think you must enter into a dialogue with a person you are considering and ask questions to get an idea of where they are coming from to see if there seems a possibility they might be right for you. If it seems so, then you start slowly with them and explore, learning as you go whether they seem to genuinely care for you and will allow you to progress at a comfortable pace. Always trust your feelings. If you feel uncomfortable then you should pay attention to it.

[Curiouslittleangel14]

Thank you all for your replies. I will reflect on all I have learned so far as well as your guidance. I promise I have more questions to come and appreciate all imputs.

Thank you again.

[Wordsmith]

wow...good questions. And a good place to find some answerers. I say some answers not THE answers for the simple fact that in this life...there are few questions with only one correct answer.

1.) If I allow someone to do something to me or for me to fulfill my desires does that mean that I am submitting?

Not necessarily... it all depends on the relationship between you and the other person. If I allow my sub to fulfill one of my desires, I am still the Domme. It is all about the dynamic that is established and the attitude or point of view of the participants.

2.)what is it like to be a Dom(me)/ sub and what do they get out of it?

3.)Where is the line between Domme/ sub?

4.)What are the characteristics of being a Dom(me)/ sub?

I grouped these three questions together for the simple fact that my answer to them is all the same. The basic answer is "it all depends on YOU." What it's like to be a Dom(me)/sub/Switch and what you get out of it depends on what you're personal style and wants and needs and how much you put into it. The line between Dom(me) and sub also depends on you. Each position in the relationship is a gray area that you need to define for yourself and/or with your partner. and as a Switch, that line may be different than as strictly a Dom(me) or a sub. And as to the characteristics of a Dom(me) or sub...ask every person who is a member on this forum and you will get an individual and different answer from each person. That is something you need to define for yourself. And that definition need not be fast and hard. There is always room for growth, change and adaptation in the definitions of things.

5.) How do you know if someone is trust worthy to explore these with?

This one is much harder to answer and I'm not sure I have an answer at the moment. The best advice I can give is to observe and ask questions (which it seems you are already doing very well at) and trusting your judgment. Visit the chat, ask questions and observe people in there. Read through the threads and see how people answer threads. That is the best advice i can give a the moment. Someone may have a better/more complete answer to this last question than I can provide.

You have made a very good beginning with these questions and simply by being here. Good luck in your search and by all means...bring on any more questions you have. Someone will have an answer for you.