The phrase "you're not a submissive because ..." should be a trigger to ignore the next words.

I love heels and lingerie, but I don't expect my kitten to wear them all the time; it's not practical. She dresses in what's practical to the circumstances, keeping in mind what pleases me -- to me, that's the submissive part: "keeping in mind what pleases me". If I do happen to have a specific requirement, I let her know and she complies.

And if I really want to get turned on, I'll send her off to change into the Tweety-bird jammies.