Safe Words and Safety Concerns

[Ozme52]

Me and Hubby never used safe word, but thats because we have an instinctive way of communicating with one another. We never needed a safe word to talk/communicate, but thats because when we started "playing" we already knew each other thoroughly and were so committed to our relationship, I felt safe with Him. He is always most cautions of my stress levels, and if we are going to be introducing something new - we talk about it, a lot and He often leads me through step by step, it helps Him catalog my responses and establish parameters of how much I can take for future references.

But to play without safe word with someone with whom you have no such guidelines is not sane. In fact, even if I planned to not ask for a safe word to be given to me in the first place, but a Dom/me told me I am not being given one/am forbidden to use it - it would be a deal breaker and a sign that I cant trust them to take care of me/my safety.

May I suggest, as an experiment... that you get a safeword and promise to use it if you are in trouble physically or emotionally....

And see if that doesn't somehow create a step-up in intensity.

I go much much farther knowing she will protect herself than I would just on my own volition. The scenes are edgier and the experience hotter and more intense. I've always maintained that her safeword is more for my benefit than hers...

If it doesn't make a difference in your play, then you can always drop it again.

[AdrianaAurora]

May I suggest, as an experiment... that you get a safeword and promise to use it if you are in trouble physically or emotionally....

And see if that doesn't somehow create a step-up in intensity.

I go much much farther knowing she will protect herself than I would just on my own volition. The scenes are edgier and the experience hotter and more intense. I've always maintained that her safeword is more for my benefit than hers...

If it doesn't make a difference in your play, then you can always drop it again.

Its a lovely idea , but there is one little problem; and I am embarrassed to have to admit it, but I am a chicken when it comes to pain, . Lets say caning, at the hard intensity He usually does it, I would safeword in the first ten minutes, (oh, ok - in the first five, ) LOL.

But its so nice to know you are thinking of me, .


Adri

[jeanne]

May I suggest, as an experiment... that you get a safeword and promise to use it if you are in trouble physically or emotionally....

And see if that doesn't somehow create a step-up in intensity.

I go much much farther knowing she will protect herself than I would just on my own volition. The scenes are edgier and the experience hotter and more intense.

This is very true - and it was something I had to learn over time. A couple of times I must admit that I was thinking to myself "okay, one more, I can take one more..." and then another and another and another...and those were some of the times that I felt the closest to Him.

But it definitely made things more intense for me. And knowing that He expected me to use my safeword if necessary was indicative to me of His trust in me...and as a result I trusted Him even more. It was a lovely cycle.

And I did use my safeword a couple of times. And He did honor it...and I didn't feel like a failure. A gift He gave to me - that understanding.