Psychology Of Verbal Degradation

[IAmCanadian]

***
***

2. Denigration of fundamental characteristics

"Words have the power to both destroy and heal.
When words are both true and kind,
they can change our world."

-Buddha (Gautama Siddharta), 600 BC

“And when words are both untrue and unkind, they can make her cum. Really, really hard.”

-Flesh Seraph, 2008

In denigration of fundamental characteristics, the masochist feels the discomfort of having the defining characteristics of her existence degraded, and in being complicit in that degradation. The racial, religious, philosophical, physical and ethical facets of her being come under harsh judgment here, their good qualities turned into bad. The sadist takes on the tone of one critical of those characteristics. In reduction to vulgar simplicity, above, all subtleties of a submissive are cruelly ignored, including defining characteristics. In denigration of fundamental characteristics, these same defining characteristics are singled out for abuse.

One might think of it as the targeting of demographics to which the submissive belongs. Each person on earth clings closely to an identity that is some combination of demographics. Age, body type, race, and religion are four examples of defining characteristics. By taking careful measure of which traits the submissive uses to define themselves, the master can pick and choose which areas to attack with his words. Usually, the right avenues of attack are obvious. Look at her, visualize the first word that comes into your head, and then go to work on that. Usually, it will be age, body type, or race. You can even go to a more basic level and attack a person’s sex.

To a masochist, the verbal dismissal and abuse of these defining characteristics is the mental equivalent of a white-hot poker pressing repeatedly and implacably against the skin. She is not only lowered by subjugation to the words, but this her subhumanity proven by the enjoyment of them.

The appeal of this to a masochist who wants to be lowered, and the progressive nature of the degradation, is obvious:

Q: What is lower than someone using a racial/religious/age or body-related slur to your face?
A: Enjoying it.
Q: And what’s lower than that?
A: Begging for it.
Q: Lower still?
A: Getting off on it.
Q: And the lowest?
A: Craving it after the fact and returning for more.

The above “Degradation Sequence” is true in every one of these verbal degradation archetypes. All of them, on some level, are based around the idea of desire for things most would consider undesirable. Just like most people would never yearn for a taste of the whip…who in their right mind desires a tongue-lashing?

Let’s talk a little bit about some of the sub-categories here. This is by no means an all-inclusive list:

Sexual – Denigration of women by men is so common that it actually has its own name- misogyny. Sex is an even more fundamental characteristic than race or religion and you can make the case that it’s the greatest divide of all- before there were ever segregated bathrooms in the American deep south, or water fountains only for “colored” people, there were separate washrooms for males and females. A woman first and foremost identifies herself as a woman. A good verbal abuser will pound on that until that identity isn’t worth a damn.

Ethnic – For many people, ethnicity is the number one defining characteristic above all others. Identification with one’s own ethnicity, and its importance, is recognized at every level, so much that laws are in place to prevent discrimination and hate speech against these identities. Obviously, with this much strength as a characteristic, it makes perfect sense for a sadist to attack it first, and harshly. I’m a white, middle-class scumbag from the usual mongrel European ancestry, so from the misdeeds of my own people I’ve learned how to denigrate other races. There’s not much to say about my methodology here except to say that (unless a boundary has been established beforehand) anyone from any foreign country or minority group that winds up as my sub is going to know it.

Religious – This is very similar to Ethnic, in that people often identify themselves first and foremost based on their beliefs. Everything I said above about ethnicity still applies here, but there’s an added wrinkle. Unlike ethnicities, religions can be renounced. Some of the most fun I’ve ever had as a dom is making my sub renounce her belief in the Bible, the Koran, or the Torah and turn her worship toward something more immediate. I’m sure you can imagine what that is.

Body Type – Treading on dangerous ground here. Many people have genuinely negative feelings about their bodies that they don’t have about their religions or ethnicities, and so this is more likely to be a boundary. Believe it or not, I’ve gotten the most enjoyment out of this using it on a sub who had beaten an eating disorder. I would call her fat and there was no truth to it at all- she was actually just fine. But the memory of her previous feelings about herself would surface and add authenticity to her degradation. (Yes, this is edge play.) In any case, I’m sure I don’t have to explain how body-type and overall appearance can be a huge identifying feature to most people- and fair game for any sadist.

Cultural – The poor man’s version of Ethnic. If your bitch is bone white and doesn’t believe in any God, you have to find some way to harangue her. Just to illustrate the difference, calling someone “white trash” is a cultural, rather than ethnic, slur. It brings up images of unsophisticated, desperate poverty.

Age – Basically the same as body type- and if it isn’t a boundary, you should hit it. An older woman considers herself experienced sexually and otherwise, its your job to tear that down and point out the cracks in her (weathered) foundation.

Dominant Examples:

“Why else is a bitch like you even on this planet, other than to pop out babies, suck my cock and do the dishes?” (Misogyny)
“You’d almost be beautiful if you weren’t such a dumb [ethnic slur].” (Ethnic, also denigrates educational qualities)
“I can barely look at you, you’re such a [religious slur] piece of shit.” (Religious)
“You might as well suck my cock- you stuff every other thing in your mouth, you fat cum-bucket.” (Body type – Big, also contains what I like to call recepticalization)
“You’re nothing but worthless trailer-trash, aren’t you?” (Cultural, eliciting a response)
“You old bitch- I’m surprised there aren’t tumbleweeds rolling out of that dust gulch of a cunt.” (Age – Older)

You can mix and match these to form compound denigrations. For example:

“God, you’re such a fat, useless [ethnic slur]. When I see what a [religious slur], fuckmop you are, it makes me want to puke.”

The submissive examples are similar, but can often take the form of apologies for her defining characteristics.

Submissive Examples:

“I apologize for being a useless and weak woman, I’m nothing compared to you!” (Misogyny)
“I’m sorry I’m such a useless [ethnic slur], sir.” (Ethnic)
“Fuck [deity of choice], I just want to suck your cock!” (Religious)
“I’m sorry I’m such a pig…please have mercy on this fat bitch!” (Body Type – Big)
“Yes, I’m nothing but a cousin-fucking trailer-slut!” (Cultural)
“I’m just a nasty old cougar on the hustle for a young cock in my ass!” (Age - Older)

Regardless of how it unfolds, a denigration of fundamental characteristics can provide ample psychological pain to the masochist while strengthening the bond of trust between master and slave. The ritualized practice of degrading oneself for the pleasure of another (or accepting degrading remarks without protest) empowers the master and shows the utter mental submission of the slave. There is also a feeling of trust that develops, wherein the slave accepts criticisms and harsh words from the master that she would never accept from anyone else, establishing him as her one and only guiding star, the only man alive to whom she would entrust the golden key that locks away her self-esteem.

- FS

[IAmCanadian]

***
***

3. Capitulation to obscenity

“I want to have your abortion.”

- Marla Singer


Fight Club, original screenplay

The above quote is the dirty-talk that Marla Singer whispers to Tyler Durden in the screenplay (written by Jim Uhls) of the nihilist/anarchist love story “Fight Club”. Alas for raincoat-wearing degenerates like me, this portion was changed to the line “I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school” in the completed film. I find the original version to be much more effective. It effectively demonstrates Marla’s amorality and lust, and incorporates elements of recepticalization and self-destructive carnality that aren’t present in the “safe for theatres” version.

In capitulation to obscenity, the masochist feels the pain that accompanies a loss of essential human and female qualities. Societal biases and undercurrents have taught all women the lesson that they should aspire to be virginal, imperforated vessels of dignity and gentle sexuality. For some, this is a quality to be clutched tightly, a part of one’s identity- the human equivalent to the airtight seal on the top of a bottle aspirin. One imagines that in spreading the legs of one such female, the sound of a creaking and ominous vault door might be heard.

Because the quality of being “unspoilt” becomes so fundamental, the mental pain that is felt when that quality is stripped away or denounced can be powerful indeed. Furthermore, allowing oneself to be subjected to such a “lowering” at the hands of a master can serve as the ultimate symbol of trust and submission. Whatever the angle, the strength of this archetype lies on the polar opposition between the acts celebrated by the Dom and his slave, and the accepted standard of dignity and behaviour for a woman held by the world at large.

When I speak about obscenity I don’t necessarily use the word in a legal sense. Obscenity for the purposes of this archetype has no set definition- I personally define it as any act that would make the submissive’s parents disown her, her friends turn their backs, and feminists run for the nearest bathroom. I define it as any act that is the opposite of empowerment and emancipation. Three taboos in particular stand out as useful tools, three concepts that speak volumes about the female mind, body, and soul with the very utterance of their names. These taboos are physical abuse, rape, and abortion.

If you sat down a group of ten random people and showed then two videos- one of a long, sloppy blowjob and another of an abortion, rape or act of spousal abuse, I am willing to bet that 9 out of 10 of them would classify the second footage as the greater obscenity. There’s something that speaks to obscenity in the hand crashing into a woman’s face, her powerlessness as a man takes her against her will, or the image of her most life-giving orifice being scraped and vacuumed clean like a simple meat sack. Something terrible to which a simple gonzo blowbang doesn’t hold a candle.

Who is the more damaged of goods, in the eyes of unflinching and judgmental society? A promiscuous and wanton female who has sucked thirty-seven different dicks in her lifetime? Or the kicked-to-the-curb waif who has to stumble to the clinic, dark circles under her eyes, in the weak light of the morning- arriving just in time to slap her legs into stirrups and subject herself to the cold metal of an abortionist’s apparatus?

It is important at this point to remember that verbal edge play of this kind should occur under an unspoken umbrella of intellectual honesty. Any right-thinking person knows that rape is a terrible and brutal act that scars lives, that spousal abuse is a hell from which even the most strong-minded of women can have trouble extracting themselves, and that abortion is a torturous choice for any young woman, a procedure that will affect her for the rest of her life. In acknowledging the truth about those acts, the seriousness of them, and the absolute inappropriateness any “legit” endorsement of them, the taboo is strengthened.

The dominant examples here are slightly longer than some of the other examples, just because I attempt to put each diatribe in the proper context. Dominant examples can serve as simple verbal fantasy, describing sexually fantastic events that will never occur, or as foreplay to a physical role-play of the described events themselves:

Dominant Examples:

“You are nothing but a rape-slut. I am going to take you however I want, whenever I want, whether you like it or not. I know you won’t leave me because you love it, don’t you? Jesus, if your friends at the office knew about this, they’d fucking puke at the sight of you. I should show them a picture of you cumming while you get assaulted.”
“Look at you- you’re soaking wet at the thought of me slapping you around. You used to walk about thinking you were a queen- turns out all you needed was a man to beat the shit out of you and remind you of your place as a fucking sperm receptacle.”
“You make me sick. I should knock you up and throw you out on the fucking street. If you don’t like that, you can fucking leave anytime. I know you won’t- you’d go through a whole rack of coat hangers if it meant you could crawl back to me and choke on my cock.” (this is an example of verbal fantasy in the form of accusation- the submissive (or accused) will typically answer back with an shameful (or, just as erotic, emphatic) admission that the stipulated atrocity is something she would love.

Our submissive examples contain some of these shameful/emphatic admissions (it is possible to be both).

Submissive Examples:

“God, yes- rape me! Force me down and fuck me like a bitch! You don’t have to give a fuck how I feel about it, just take me any time whether I like it or not! I love to be raped!” (shameful admission)
“I need a big, strong man to beat the fuck out of me and put me in my place. Fuck women’s rights- knock my teeth down my fucking throat!”
“I want to have your abortion.” (Marla’s cut line is a textbook example of shameful admission in a submissive capitulation to obscenity, and in fact was the basis for this entire article).

Take note that in the case of the second and third examples above, the described events will almost certainly never take place. The allure lies in idea that, if they did, the submissive would welcome them. Again, the umbrella of intellectual honesty is important to maintain. She loves you so much, this slave, that she would destroy herself for you. Destroy herself in the eyes of her community, ensure her own ostracization, shovel the last gravelly helpings of dirt over the grave of her own self-esteem and self worth. Verbal abuse like this is just as ritualistic as a faithful man who kneels at the altar of his God and says that he would die for God’s will. Of course, God will not kill this man- but…is it any less meaningful?

All of the verbal abuse and degradation in this archetype can be summed up with the following construction:

Dom: “You would destroy yourself for me, wouldn’t you? Do you not feel ashamed? Do you not worry about how people would point and be disgusted at your sacrifice? Don’t you care?”

Sub: “No. I would lower myself to nothing for you, destroy myself for you, and I don’t give a fuck.”

The fun is in taking that construction for a walk around the block in all sorts of different and creative ways. I have given examples for three issues that are antipathy to a female, but there are others, and what constitutes an obscenity is different for each person. So really, the archetype isn’t about specific topics at all but about the sacrifice of female identity, virginity, and grace for the purpose of proving loyalty. Sexually, the deepest taboos can often be the most exciting, and the potential for a rewarding session is great. Intellectually, this archetype is proof of a sacred bond. Her devotion is such that she would die inside for you- but her trust is such that she knows you would never ask it of her. Rather, you are content to play out the ritual of that inner death continuously- renewing the bond between you with each iteration.

- FS

[icey]

[Believe it or not, I’ve gotten the most enjoyment out of this using it on a sub who had beaten an eating disorder. I would call her fat and there was no truth to it at all- she was actually just fine. But the memory of her previous feelings about herself would surface and add authenticity to her degradation. (Yes, this is edge play.) In any case, I’m sure I don’t have to explain how body-type and overall appearance can be a huge identifying feature to most people- and fair game for any sadist.

im not sure id consider this humiliation! it's extremely dangerous! do you know that you can control an eating disorder but you're never actually cured of it?
and to fuck with someones head with it can be extremely damaging! even if she agreed to and enjoyed it, it's re-einforcment no matter how much control she may have over it ..its like giving an alcoholic a glass of champagne because its christmas.
i have an ED and there have been times ive been in control for fairly long periods too but had anyone ever done anything like that to me no matter how aware i was and reassured that it was play only i would have flipped right over the edge! sometimes just because someone gives consent to something it doesnt mean that makes it ''safe''
it's a mental health disorder ie: a serious illness...not just a body issue to be used for a game.
it's ok to say it's a matter of judgement but somethings cant be judged or simplified that easily.

im sorry i dont want to change or spoil your thread but that scares me its more than just edgeplay or a bit of kink and ok it's just my opinion but i really do think anything like that should be stayed well clear of.

[IAmCanadian]

im not sure id consider this humiliation! it's extremely dangerous! do you know that you can control an eating disorder but you're never actually cured of it?
and to fuck with someones head with it can be extremely damaging! even if she agreed to and enjoyed it, it's re-einforcment no matter how much control she may have over it ..its like giving an alcoholic a glass of champagne because its christmas.
i have an ED and there have been times ive been in control for fairly long periods too but had anyone ever done anything like that to me no matter how aware i was and reassured that it was play only i would have flipped right over the edge! sometimes just because someone gives consent to something it doesnt mean that makes it ''safe''
it's a mental health disorder ie: a serious illness...not just a body issue to be used for a game.
it's ok to say it's a matter of judgement but somethings cant be judged or simplified that easily.

im sorry i dont want to change or spoil your thread but that scares me its more than just edgeplay or a bit of kink and ok it's just my opinion but i really do think anything like that should be stayed well clear of.

I probably should have clarified that this particular sub wasn't severely afflicted to the point that it greatly affected her life, or required an intervention, and so on. Occasionally, she would indulge in unhealthy habits in order to stay thin, and confessed this to me- and obviously she felt secure enough to allow body-type humiliation and verbal abuse. At the time this occured, she hadn't lapsed into that sort of behaviour for a number of years. We had a talk about it and agreed that it wouldn't be a problem.

I didn't feel like there was any danger at the time, and I feel like I was accurate in that assessment. The world is replete with cutters, bipolars and depressives of all stripes, but I never feel like there's much risk in verbal abuse simply because it's very important to me that both sides understand the inherent dishonesty in the statements being used. It's really the furthest thing from legitimate criticism.

If I had thought at the time that she was making a mistake in not setting a limit, I would have confronted her about it. But circumstances being what they were, I thought it was ok, because of all the different factors. Just like any form of play- you have to weigh all the information and decide whether to set a limit. In the passage you quote, the wording used is:

"The memory of her previous feelings about herself would surface and add authenticity to her degradation."

This is very different from:

"Her previous feelings about herself would surface and add authenticity to her degradation."

One maintains the proper perspective, and one does not. And I would never involve myself in the second case- it's irresponsible, destructive, and cruel.

- FS

[delish]

im not sure id consider this humiliation! it's extremely dangerous! do you know that you can control an eating disorder but you're never actually cured of it?
and to fuck with someones head with it can be extremely damaging! even if she agreed to and enjoyed it, it's re-einforcment no matter how much control she may have over it ..its like giving an alcoholic a glass of champagne because its christmas.
i have an ED and there have been times ive been in control for fairly long periods too but had anyone ever done anything like that to me no matter how aware i was and reassured that it was play only i would have flipped right over the edge! sometimes just because someone gives consent to something it doesnt mean that makes it ''safe''
it's a mental health disorder ie: a serious illness...not just a body issue to be used for a game.
it's ok to say it's a matter of judgement but somethings cant be judged or simplified that easily.

im sorry i dont want to change or spoil your thread but that scares me its more than just edgeplay or a bit of kink and ok it's just my opinion but i really do think anything like that should be stayed well clear of.

I am not attacking you, or even saying that I didn't have a similar response when I first read the above passage, but I would like to submit a few things.

1. The scenario in question is comparable to an arthritic submissive man or woman who enjoys rope play. His or her dominant partner has an obligation to both see that the submissive's welfare is accounted for, and fantasies addressed. I imagine that a responsible partner would not dabble in rope play immediately following knee replacement surgery or even a day particularly rough on the joints, but to ignore that need entirely would be yet another defeat in the ongoing struggle arthritis presents. This does no service at all to the submissive partner, except in highlighting his or her weakness.

2. There is nothing more empowering than facing down a perceived weakness. We can agree that eating disorders are mental illnesses, but a great many people suffering from various mental disorders consider them mental weaknesses. An agreement that despite prior problems, this is an issue that needs to (or would simply be exciting to) be faced, coupled with affirmation from the dominant partner that it's not just an exciting thought, but something he or she truly believes the submissive capable of doing- that's downright euphoric.

3. What we do is dangerous. Even the least edgy kink can seem uncomfortably far from safe, in some capacity. By definition, alternative lifestyles/preferences are not conventional, and you can easily find twenty people singing a chorus about how damaging x, y and/or z kinks are to you. But the real truth is that the human condition is dangerous. Is it different if, in a vanilla relationship, a partner comments thoughtlessly on his wife's weight, triggering her into a bulemic state she'll never tell him about? Yes. Can you imagine being in an in-depth submissive relationship without disclosing that information? Or, if you can, is it possible that anyone would find it acceptable and healthy for that disorder to remain hidden from your partner once it reared its head again? The original situation was not a Dom blundering blindly into a minefield, it was a calculated risk. And I have to tell you, that's what therapists get paid $200/hour to do, with less information about their patients, usually.

Nothing works for everyone. We all have different limits. Awareness is important, for both partners. Communication is equally important.