First, there is a fair amount of good information here, and I'll cite Polaris, both for the solid info, AND for knowing herself so well. I find that to be unusual. Many people I encounter think they know themselves, but they do not, in fact. I suspect that Polaris most thoroughly does.

The following quote, however, grabbed my attention because of the near global application it has in this topic.
Quote Originally Posted by DowntownAmber View Post
When I refer to someone as a "doormat," I am referring to someone that does not strive to embrace their submission, but defers to it becuase they just don't feel worthy to be anything else. To me, that is an insult to submission and many submissives. Submission is a level of service and personality, not the default reaction to low self-esteem.
Yes, Amber, the "why" IS ALWAYS more important, more telling, more influential, than the "what." I believe that if we were able to dig out the underlying "why" for all the feelings and opinions that are represented by the above posts, we would then actually be able to grasp how to change ourselves positively in this area of life, or whether or not change is warranted, far better than any of us can as it stands.